Chapter Forty-One

The rain thrashed against the windows and she stood alone, she'd fucked up-again. He was about to open up to her, she had seen it in his eyes but still she butted in and shut it down. Why? Was she scared that if he said the words that she had longed to hear she wouldn't deserve it from her failure in the job? She hid her face in her hands, why was this so hard? Were they really that different?

Like a record stuck in a groove, it kept playing over in her mind how the hell she could have missed this coming? She had wrongly assumed public events were off-limits but then  again there was also the waiter that drugged her, dammit. Thank god they weren't hurt, but the damage that it had done to Jon was far deeper than any surface cut. She wiped away the guilt with the back of her hand, this was shit, just shit. She looked over her shoulder, she wanted to go up and find him but everytime she looked in his eyes all she saw was failure. Failure to do to her job, and failure to protect the man that she loved. 

She packed her thing and zipped up her bags. Some of her clothes were still hanging in Jon's wardrobe but now wasn't the time to collect them. She felt incomplete as damn if she had ever walked away from a job, but honestly what choice did she have at this point? She was surprised that Jon was back in the living area when she jogged down the stairs. "Hey," she stood in front of him and hugged herself. "David should be here any minute. 

Jon crossed his arms and didn't break his gaze out the window. "I left your clothes on my bed, so don't forget them before you leave."

She crouched down and put her hands on his knees. "Jon, I need you to know I'm doing this for you."

He grunted, "right. You do what you have to do MacKenzie. I don't need you anymore, they know who you are..." he looked up and she met his gaze. "So why else would you possibly stay?"

Her heart missed a beat and she swallowed, "Jon that's not what I meant." He was curled into her chair, facing the early morning skyline so she knelt down and placed her hands on his knees. "Look at me," she whispered. He looked down and met her gaze, "I care about you, that is why I'm doing is. I need to let David take control of this situation for your own safety, without any distractions." It was that serious, whatever the hell this was, Jon's safety came above anything else, and in this case before her needs.

Jon sighed and covered her hand with his. "I don't want you to go." The vulnerability in his voice sliced right through her. It was a side of Jon that he rarely showed and it was breaking her heart. What she felt for Jon scared her, she'd not loved or connected with someone so fiercely since Brian. Her biggest fear out of all this was the choice to let go and just love him but she couldn't. Not while this was happening around them, not while she had a very real chance at losing him under her watch. Just like she did with Brian.

Her eyes stung with tears, "right now, it's best I don't. If I'm a target I need to remove myself from the picture." 

His hand slid away and he continued to stare blankly out the window. "The MacKenzie I know doesn't run, and she's not a coward."

She felt like a coward, and he had every right to see it that way, and god if someone stormed into the apartment now she would throw herself in front of him to protect him, no questions asked. She wasn't afraid of the gang or of herself being hurt, she was afraid of losing him. "I'm not, I'm--" She closed her eyes as the buzzer drilled through the room. 

"That's the door."

She ushered David in, he matched MacKenzie in height but was built like a fridge. They hugged fiercely in the lobby, "he hates me for doing this. I can't stand the way he looks at me, there's so much hurt, he thinks I'm abandoning him."

David kissed her temple, "You're doing the right thing and it's just short term. A little space may help as well."

She nodded and smoothed down her sweater, "I think so, I don't think we could fuck things up more if we tried."

"Ok, well let's go and talk to him, or do you want me to do it?"

She nodded, "I'll come in too." She took David in, "Jon this is David, my partner, David, this is Jon."

~

Jon clenched his jaw as he heard MacKenzie and her partner in the foyer. He wished he'd been a bit more honest with her but hell, he was so pissed off he couldn't see straight. He'd thought about this over and over, if she loved him, how the hell was that helping him by leaving him? She swore to protect him no matter what, and now she was running. He didn't even want to believe there was logic involved in her decision, even though he knew her better than that. 

Christ, he was so angry at himself for falling in love with her. All the women that had come and gone in his life, why her? He refused at this point to now believe it was anything more than the right place and the right time, she was attractive and they had a lot in common so something was always going to happen. It was all too easy, she was right there, ready for the taking. Just as well he hadn't made an idiot out of himself gushing the word love all over her. Wouldn't he have looked damn stupid? He popped his knuckles and crossed his arms as they came in.

"Hi Jon, I've heard so much about you. How are you holding up?" David reached in with his hand but Jon simply looked at it.

"I bet you have, like what time I take my pills and how I have my potatoes?" His voice dripped with sarcasm but he didn't care. 

"Ok, well you know I'm just here to keep you safe. Things will be as normal as possible."

He snorted, Christ. "Nothing about this is normal David."

David dropped his hands to his sides and they both sat on the edge of the couch. "I realize this has been hard on you and your family Jon, but I'm here to make sure nothing happens to you or them. MacKenzie will still be involved with the intelligence side of things, while we try and get through the next few days." 

Jon's blood froze at the mention of his family, it was a miracle nothing had happened to them this far. He'd checked his appointment schedule for the next few days and had emailed in cancellations, there was no way in hell he was going out there with a guy. It was different with Kenzie as she was his girlfriend according to everyone else, but this just screamed bodyguard. He was being stubborn, he'd had bodyguards before before but this was a far cry from a few over zealous fans. 

"Jon, David is the best at what he does. You know I wouldn't leave you with just anybody."

But you would leave me, and that I didn't know. "Right. Well I appreciate the thoughts, but I've cancelled my appointments for the week, so you're going to be very bored David."

MacKenzie raised her brow, "you cancelled them?"

He smiled a little too smugly. "Yes, cancelled them all." 

"Jon, you don't have to do this, I know you're scared but--"

"Let's get this perfectly clear shall we?" He stood and walked to the window. "I'm not going out with a bodyguard, not like this. MacKenzie was perfectly competent to my needs, things are not ideal at the moment." That was an understatement and a half but he was too pissy to let this go. "I'm not going out with a public bodyguard, so if I have to stay in, then I'm staying in."

"Jon, please. Consider what you're saying here. I can't stay for you."

He whirled around, "you made that clear MacKenzie so this is how it's going to be. She'll show you where the spare bedroom is David, but if you ask me it's a waste of your time. Goodbye MacKenzie." 

He headed towards the stairs, every fibre in his body was screaming at him to stop, turn around and tell her how much he needed her to stay, not for protection but for him. But he was a stubborn prick and he knew it. He sat on the bed and rubbed his face in his hands, this was a nightmare, a fucking nightmare. The threat of danger was so real he could smell it, and the only person he needed for strength was about to walk out the door. He was used to to being alone, he always had been one way or another, as CEO  of the band and even in his marriage, he'd managed to put up walls between him and everyone else. He'd get by, he always had.

She didn't  come and collect her things from her room, part of him wished she had so he could be alone with her but they'd said what they needed to say at this point. He rested his forehead against window, and looked out, down to the street. He rubbed his chest as the woman he'd known as Kenzie climbed into a taxi. "Kenzie," he pressed his hand against the glass and scoffed at the tear that splattered on his knuckle. He was back to being by himself just like he was used to, only this time, he actually felt alone. 

Chapter-Forty

He tried to sleep, but all he did was toss and turn until the sheets strangled him. Rain splattered against the large expanse of glass that showcased the city skyline. It usually comforted him having the city so close, but at a distance he could be safely alone. But tonight, it felt like a fishbowl and the glass was choking him instead of making him feel at ease. Each time he rolled over, closed his eyes and tried to to start over the night, just one image haunted him. The man in the car with eyes of steel and a face of death, running his children down in the SUV while his feet were helplessly stuck to the pavement. Then his cold blade slicing through MacKenzie's chest and the life melting out of her eyes.

He launched up, clutched the sheet at his chest and the sweat poured from his temples. He was used to dealing with crazy crap in his life, but this was his own personal private hell. He'd never felt so alone, and so afraid of what to do next. This was as a dangerous game with only one guarantee, somebody was going to get hurt and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. The thunder clapped above him and lightening fused the sky. This was hopeless, he wasn't going to get any sleep anytime soon. He ripped off the sheet, pulled on his jeans, and padded up the hallway. MacKenzie's door was a crack open, he nudged it with his shoulder. He was tempted to wake her but she looked so peaceful, her arm wrapped around a pillow and her hair tumbling around her shoulders.

He didn't know if he needed comfort, but hell---he needed something. He scraped the pad of his thumb down her jawline, to her earlobe. She was beautiful and none of this was her fault. She'd been amazing truth be known, and he'd been a complete ass hole. They were so much alike and Jon didn't realize how much he'd missed having someone that understood him, and was comfortable with just who he was. When it came down to it, he was just a regular guy away from all this and that's how she'd always treated him. She was so strong, hell she matched him in strength body and mind and he hadn't had to contend with that in a very long time.

But no, you had to go and fuck it up.

Tempted to wake her, crawl into bed and lose himself inside her, he brushed his lips gently against hers. She didn't stir, they needed to talk but he didn't have the words today, he wasn't sure if he did now, he would tomorrow. He clicked the door closed and headed up to the kitchen, he pulled a beer out of the fridge and stood at the window and watched the rain slice the deck. What did he do now? He wasn't even sure, and that alone scared the crap out of him. He always knew what to do, it's what he did. He had been so used to taking cues from MacKenzie as much as he hated it, and now he wasn't sure what the hell to do.

Her favourite arm chair swallowed him, her smell bled out of the fabric, she loved to sit here and read or work as it faced the Manhattan skyline. It disgusted him that he stood behind her hiding like a coward back at the yacht club instead of standing up for himself. He was used to being the man that did that for his woman, but this, was a whole new ballgame. But who was he to talk a guy down with a knife? He was good at talking the talk on any day, but this was totally out of his league.

He twisted the top off the beer and watched the rain. The world was a crazy place, he wasn't stupid and he didn't wear rose tint glasses but he just didn't understand why he was being chosen as a target here. Some of his peers in the industry were self-proclaimed assholes, and well known for it but not him. He did what he could to help out and he wanted to do it, not because he had to. Was he that naive to believe that people were just cruel for the sake of being cruel? What the hell more could they want?

He stretched his neck and sighed, here he was again, out of control and lost. He reached into his case where he kept a few things, and dug for his spare cellphone. He flipped it open and his thumb hovered over Richie's number, it was three am, but they had the code. Anywhere, and anytime. He closed his eyes and waited for the for the click.

"What the hell, hello?"

Jon chucked, "Rich. It's Jon, were you asleep?" Dumb question.

"Jon? Why the hell is your number different?"

"It's the spare Rich. Sorry, I just didn't know who else to call."

The line crackled and popped, then came clear. "I'm up, I'm up. What the hell's up? It's been years since you've called me in the middle of the night, not since..."

"Dot," Jon finished. He'd used to call Richie when the marriage was falling apart, even then it had taken a lot of prompting by his friend to do so. 

"Ah yes, Dot. Is everything ok? Nothing's happened has it?"

"Everyone is fine." On the outside. "But something did happen today." Jon explained the confrontation at the yacht club to Richie. "His eyes Richie, I'll never forget those eyes. He meant it, and it's just fucked up." Jon blew out his breath, he hated to admit weakness but hell, Richie was the only one he could do it to.

"What about MacKenzie, what's she doing about it? Any leads?" 

Jon sighed, "things between us aren't the best. No thanks to me." What if something had happened to them, to her? What if he never had the guts to tell her what he truly felt for her.

"What happened now? Did you go all CEO on her?"

He snorted, "no. I wish that's all it was. It's a little more complicated than that."

There was a silence and Richie let a low whistle out. "OK, say no more. I had an inkling you both were close, but I didn't want to say anything. None of my business." 

"I don't know about close, we've---I. God, I feel like a fucking teenager with no words." He raked his hand through his hear , stood and pressed his forehead against the cooling glass. 


"It's messy and we both let it get to this point, I've been as ass."

"Now that I find hard to believe." Jon could instantly picture his friends sly grin.

"I'm serious Richie.  I honestly don't know what to do." It hit him like a punch in the chest, admitting it out-loud. He closed his eyes, the tension throbbed up his neck. "I'm in love with her, and I didn't really expect to be."

"Christ Johnny, I thought you were just talking about sex here. Not love."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, so did he until the truth hit him like a fry-pan in the face. "Yea, surprised the hell out of me. But it's just not the right time, I feel guilty as fuck for even thinking about it when the asshole is threatening my family."

"The heart wants, what the heart wants Jonny."

Of course Richie would say that, he fell in love quicker and more frequently than he ever did. "I know, it's just fucked up Rich. All of it---"

"You tell her all this and then you put it aside while you figure out the safety stuff. It's that simple Jon." The problem was she'd already gone and done that and he'd hardly recognized it. How many times had she alluded to, or told him that she loved him? He'd been stupid to just not deal with it.

"I wish it was, we tried that but things have spiraled out of control," he lost his breath and stopped. "And now I'm worried about her as well." It was a fucking mess. He wanted someone to tell him it'd be all right, he wanted MacKenzie to tell him---as hell he had a hard time trusting anyone else at the moment.

"I'm coming around."

"No, Rich---it's ok. I'll be fine. I'll talk to her in a few hours, she's always up early anyway. I just needed---"

"Someone to bounce stuff off?"

Jon managed a smile, "yeah. That." 

"Ok---well if you need me tomorrow for anything just let me know ok?" 

"I will. And thanks Rich, for everything." He hated to admit he needed someone, but hearing his best friends voice of reason was better than the drink resting in his hand. Richie god bless him, knew the moments not to tease the holy hell out of him as well. He always just knew.

"Anytime Jon, and I mean it, you don't have to be invincible every day."

"Just every other day though right?" Jon chuckled as they said goodbye and hung up.

He didn't remember falling asleep in the chair, he blinked as the sun crept up his skin. There was movement in the kitchen and the aroma of coffee lured him to move. She was in jeans and a grey turtleneck that hugged her curves. "Hey."

She reached for his mug and poured him a coffee, turned and handed it to him. "Hey." The smile didn't quite reach her eyes but curved the lovely lines of her face.

"Thanks, I must have fell asleep out here."

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked as she picked up her own coffee and leaned back against the counter, and brought it to her lips.

He half laughed, "not really. You?" He sipped and relaxed. Her hair was pulled back, showing off her high cheekbones, most women would kill for her morning looked so effortless.

"Not really, I did quite a bit of thinking, and I was worried about you." The warmth in  her eyes crept back in.

"Yea?"

"I'm sorry Jon. For this, for everything. I've truly fucked this up."

He frowned and rested his mug down, "Hey. Don't talk like that. You haven't done such a thing, if anything I haven't been that great in this whole situation." How could she even think that? She had on more than one occasion thrown herself under the bus for him. Her job or not, she was not a failure to him, not in the least instance. He took her mug off her and put it aside. "There is something I have to do that I should have done awhile ago." He cupped her jaw and moved in, he pressed his lips against hers and tasted her. She moaned and sank into him, her hands slid up his arms and rested on his shoulders. Pleasure rushed through his veins as he took the kiss deeper, he kissed her chin, down her jaw to her ear as he tugged her in. 

Her body moulded into his, he needed to feel her strength. Her fingers curled into his hair, and even though layers of clothes separated them, he could still feel the heat that bubbled between them. He raked his hands through her hair, pulling it loose so it fell around his hands. The kiss was slow and deep, the first time he'd taken his time to let her know exactly how he felt. His tongue lapped against hers, and he knew he could get lost in her. When he eased back, they stared at each other, breathless.

The words beat louder than one of Tico's drums in his head but still he held them at a distance. "Kenzie."

Her hands moved down to his chest and she rested her cheek against his shoulder, he wrapped his arms around her and held her there, just for a minute. "Jon, we need to talk."

He closed his eyes and took in the scent of her hair, "yes we do."

"I need to move out Jon."

His eyes popped open and his hands fell to his side. He stood back, "move out?" 

"David's going to take over, I need you to understand I-"

Jon stepped back and held his hand up, she was abandoning him? After all--god, after all they'd been through? She was just going to move out? Not even stick by him through this? "Fine. Go, do what you want."

She grabbed his arm but he yanked it back, "do what you have to do MacKenzie. I don't need you." His belly bottomed out as he walked away, it was a load of crap, he needed her and he thought she did too. Something had changed, was it David? Maybe he'd said something to her? He reached his bedroom door and smashed his fist into the wall, pain zinged up his arm. This is why he gave up women, for fuck's sake. And now David? Was she kidding? He stared out the window of his enclosure again. He wasn't a zoo animal for fucks sake that could be just passed to the next keeper. 

No fucking way was someone just going to come in and take over, they could all go to hell.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

She stayed behind him in the lobby and checked behind them, around them, covering off the perimeter. He was withdrawn and quiet in the car and it had made her belly flip the entire way home. Was he OK? The important thing is they were safe now, the rest she could deal with behind closed doors. She followed him into the elevator and pressed the P. She blew out her breath and glanced at him, tempted to take his hand but she sighed. "Are you alright?" Of course he wasn't. She didn't know how far to push him, she'd never seen him so closed off before.

He shrugged, "I guess so." His eyes didn't meet hers.

She was used to being in control in a situation, no matter how hard it was, and hell she'd been in some doozys, but none of them compared to how incompetent she felt right now and it was all her fault. One minute she wanted to strangle him and the next kiss him stupid. Above all she wanted to protect him and it was becoming clear because of the strangling and the kissing urges, maybe she couldn't. Maybe she should step down? Ouch.

She grabbed his arm as he walked out into the lobby, "Jon, I'm worried about you."

He managed a small smile, the one he saved for the photographers at the end of the night. Fake. He tugged his arm back, "I'm fine. I assume you've got some calls to make so go ahead and make them."

Stupid man, she growled as he disappeared into the apartment. She followed him in, dumped her bag and snatched her gun off her thigh. "Jon, don't!"

She dragged him behind her, the deck door was wide open and the net curtain billowed into the room. Her heart pounded in her ears as she rounded him, held her gun up and curled around the doorway, relief hitting her square in the chest as it was empty. She pulled the door shut and snapped the lock. "Stay here, I'll check the bedrooms," she jogged up the stairs and did a quick, thorough search upstairs--closets included.

She clutched her belly, as she stalled on the stairs. He sat alone, defeated, lost on the couch. “Can I get you a drink Jon?"

"Did you call about my family?" No eye contact, no fire, nothing that she expected from him.

She padded across the floor and crouched on the ottoman in front of him. "I called in the car, we're onto it Jon. You remember it?" The mental image of him crumpled into the side of the back seat would singe her brain for a long time.

"I guess not."

She wanted to shake him and she wanted him to come back at her with some smart-arsed remark. He remained so calm, so silent, and quite frankly it scared the holy crap out of her. "It's all taken care of," she patted his knee. "I'll get you a drink." She rose and headed for the bar, fixed some ice and scotch and handed it to him.

"Thanks, I think I'll take this up to my room, assuming it's clear?" For the first time his eyes met her, the sadness that swelled inside them broke her heart.

She nodded, "it's clear--I think we left that deck door open, I vaguely remember leaving in a hurry." Because we were so pissed off with each other. "Are you sure you're OK?" She folded her arms and bit her lip.

"I'm not a child Mackenzie, I'll be fine. I just need some space."


She nodded, that was Jon. She let him get as far as the stairs and reached out her hand, "Wait." She took a deep breath, dropped her hands to her side and went to him. She took the drink out of his hand and rested it on the mahogany cabinet. She wrapped her arms wide around his shoulders and pulled him close, the smell of spice and liquor swirled around her. She melted into him, she had to give him something, it was over the line, but hell, like they could talk about a line at this point. He stiffened and she expected him to jerk her back, but his arms coiled around her waist and he buried his face in her neck. His heartbeat raced with hers, she took comfort in the small intimacy in the middle of this cluster-fuck. Jon broke away first, the longing in his eyes disappeared quickly.

"I'll be in my room."

And that's all she was going to get.

The man was frustrating as hell, but she loved him. He was someone so different and he wasn't intimidated by her, well easily. Most men she'd dated had always ended up having some issue that she was part-guy and could have kicked their ass into the next century, but not Jon. Not to that degree. He didn't tip toe around her like some men did women, he was what he was, no bullshit. She wished they could both put their own egos aside and talk, that's what their problem was. She scuffed her foot on the floor, she'd ultimately fucked this up. She was the one to blame for letting it get to where it had, she knew better as a professional that she should have never gone there.

She stood at the bottom of the empty staircase, did it matter now? They knew who she was, what the hell did she do now? She trusted every one of her employees to do a good, no--a great job, but it was David she'd only trust for this. He had the best specialist training in the field out of everyone, having spent time body-guarding for senators and even the president. She grabbed her Blackberry and headed up to her room, folded her legs Indian style on the bed and hit call.

"Hey, was just about to call you back. I have a lead on who the guy was that was at the party."

"That's great, he'll be one of Blackwatch's messengers I'm sure. David we need to talk." If she didn't say it, she never would.

"What's happened? Is it Jon? Is he ok?"

She sighed, "He’s not coping too well but he's safe. It's about this case, I haven't been honest with you." She fidgeted with her fingers.

"Oh? Why what’s going on Mac?"

"I haven't handled this very well David, and I should have told you this awhile ago." She tucked the blackberry under her ear and twisted her fingers together. "Jon and I have been, kind of involved."

"What? But-how? I mean since when?"

She rubbed her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose, "we had this insane attraction from day one, none of us wanted to admit it. Of course being his girlfriend everywhere was never going to help that situation." All the touches, all the kisses, god...her neck flushed thinking about it.

"Oh honey, you should have said something. I mean it's not a bad thing if you guys are--"

"We're not-that's just it. It's so fucked up right now David, we slept together and things have been rough ever since. Then today the guy, came out of nowhere and I should have expected it--I should have---" She breathed out, god she sounded like a hysterical woman.

"Slow down Mac, put the feelings aside for a minute. I'm not discounting them, you know I'm your friend. But be this honest, do you think you're compromising his safety given the situation?"

She swallowed, "yes. I'm so distracted, and I'm torn between wanting to keep him safe and fighting my feelings for him." She raked her hand through her hair, "god I'm such an idiot. I can't even handle such a simple job." She would rather stuck needles in her eyes that admit she was wrong in this instance, but his safety was at stake and she knew this.

"Hey, it's not simple. There is some real danger here, and the unknown component to this is still very much high risk if he's a random target or they want something specifically from him. Throw in what you're going through...god I had no idea, dammit Mac you were always a good liar."

She managed a small smile, "I'm sorry David. I thought I could handle it. After seeing him tonight, I'm so worried about him and I can't worry about his emotional state and do what I'm meant to be doing." She had to put Jon's safety first and set aside her feelings for the minute. What she should have done in the first place.

"Ok, you know what this means don't you?"

MacKenzie closed her eyes. "You're going to Veto and take over aren't you?"

"Yup, I'm moving in the morning. I'll take over, you can stay, and that’s up to you and Jon."

She shook her head, "no. I'll leave. I think we need some space, he needs space from me." She clutched her chest, "and I need space from him."

"Fine, you can you stay isolated in your apartment for awhile, I don't want you sighted out and about and they take a hit they'll see you as an easy target, a message to Jon."

"That's fine." She bit her lip and blinked away the fear of how he would react, the fierce ache in her chest dreaded leaving him. She wanted to be with him, wanted to make sure he was ok, wanted to face this with him but she needed space...she needed to clear her head and get her thoughts in check. The time would do him good too, and then if there was anything left over after that--Maybe they could work through it, maybe they could be normal. She chuckled, normal-what the hell was that?

MacKenzie had an impeccable record and this was going to leave a chink in the armour but she did what she had to and she just hoped Jon would see it the same way.

"Do you love him?"

"Are you going to yell at me?"

David half laughed, "I'm asking as your friend."

"I love him. It's different, it's fierce. I've never felt this way since..."

"Brian," he finished for her.

"Yup."

"And he feels the same way?"

She shrugged, "he feels something---but who knows David. This whole situation of pretending, the lines have been blurred for a long time."

"You should ask him. Given the fact this is why you're ultimately doing this for him, I don't want to see you hurt Mac. If he's playing around with your emotions..."

"No he's not a game player by nature. I think there is something there but I don't think he ever expected there to be, I know I sure didn't."

"OK, well try and get some rest. And I'll be there about ten tomorrow k?"

"Thanks David, for not being too harsh on me." He had every right to be, she showed no mercy about these rules on her own staff.

"No problem, it's fixable. Is he going to mind the change?"

"He'll hate it. I'll talk to him before you get here." He'd hate her for making the decision without consulting him, that was one of their rules but it was too late for rules. He would tell her that he didn't want another bodyguard, no matter if he believed he needed it or not.

"Ok----rest up Mac. You did well today getting him the hell out of there. Don't be hard on yourself OK?"

"Thanks D. Talk to you tomorrow." She clicked her blackberry off and sank into the pillows. Her belly filled with dread about facing him, facing the truth.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

There was no better way to bastardize a football club than have it's core value be, "Saving one soul at a time," and having Jon Bon Jovi walking around like he owned the place, down to every single piece of over-priced silverware in the joint. He was all about the greater good, well fuck that was a load of hypocritical bullshit. He doubted Mr Bon Jovi had even seen the bad ways of the world, him or his pearly white teeth.

He peered through the glass as Jon and his squeeze, circled the crowds. He eyed her, she was tall, slim but athletic, and they'd never thought of the possibility she was his bodyguard until Tony lost a few teeth in a run in with her. Clever, he mused as he took a long drag of his cigarette. She was either carrying in her purse, or in a thigh holster. She had smoking legs and a rocking body, and hell, he wouldn't mind getting his own piece of that.

Were they just good actors? Or was Bon Jovi dipping his pen in the company ink behind closed doors, he'd put money on it. He was a man after all. He clicked his cigarette case closed and tucked it into the back pocket of his jeans. This wasn't about innocent casualties, they were a waste and often pointless. This was about showing society that they are the biggest bunch of fucking hypocrites. Their shiny cars and their fat check books did nothing to close the gap of inequality between people, here, throw money at this cause and become a fucking hero overnight. Not like Wes, who just wanted was to play ball, live the dream he was constantly promised by these fuckheads, American Dream his ass. The knife he pulled from the sheath on his belt, glinted in the sunlight, and he smiled imagined it dripping with Jon Bon Jovi's blood. Wouldn't that just be poetic?

His phone buzzed, he snapped it open. "Yeah."

"Can you see them?"

He flicked his ash over the railing. "Yup, he's here."

"And the chick?"

He nodded, "and the chick."

"You know what to do?"

He blew out his smoke and slid his sunglasses up his nose, "I know what to do."

"Good. Don't fuck it up."

*click*

~


Jon fished in his pocket for painkiller, his head pounded like a jackhammer. He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned in to MacKenzie, "do you have any ibuprofen?" Ginger scented skin teased his nose, he was an ass the way he was playing her. But there was no other way, he had to keep things professional even if it meant strapping a muzzle around his cock when around her.

She popped open her purse and handed him a sheet, "are you ok?" Her eyes stayed on the room, her tone bland. He didn't blame her, he was being a prick.

"Headache." He downed them with his wine and continued making small talk with people, while MacKenzie stayed at his side. He linked his fingers through hers and instantly felt her warmth. They had to keep up his charade, feelings or no feelings. Everything was so unsettled, and it unnerved him to no end. "I need a smoke," he glanced out to the deck that overlooked the harbour. "Since you can see me, do you have to come?"

MacKenzie narrowed her eyes, "I'm not letting you stand out there alone Jon."

He rolled his eyes, "alright, well c'mon then." He excused them and tugged her outside, he retrieved his sunglasses and jammed them on. "Christ."

"Have you ever tried to give up those things?"

He flicked his flame and took a puff, "if it bothers you. Go back inside."

She folded her arms and faced the water, "did you get your period after we had sex?"

He choked on the breath of smoke he took, "I'm sorry?" Her sarcastic wit flared with a straight face.

She turned and raised her brow, "well did you? You've been a complete ass and if it's your way of saying you you got what you wanted, and you're moving on. Just say it, instead of playing childish games Jon."

He did get what he wanted, the problem was now instead of it being out of his system like he expected it would be, at least until this was over. He wanted more. Her long tanned legs glowed in the sunlight, and he itched to unravel her tight ponytail, to feel her hair around his wrists. "It's best. Too much is happening."

She lowered her sunglasses, "that's no reason to make me look stupid. We should at least talk about it."

He was done talking, All Dorothea wanted to do was talk when they were together, talking turned into shouting, and shouting turned into divorce. "Let's just leave it at that, chalk it up to excitment driving us over the edge."

She dropped her hands, "unbelievable."

He jerked, she moved her face into his, her lips millimetres from his mouth. "I risked our safety worrying about us, going out there on a limb to see if you felt the same way about me and now you're telling me we're chalking it up to adrenaline?"

He swallowed, distracted by her shiny lips and wondered if that was that stupid mint gloss she used. "Mackenzie, this isn't really the time to talk about this."

"Why? Because then people will see what an arrogant ass you're being," she backed up. "Hey at least this looks real to anyone watching because I am pretty fucking pissed off with you right now Jon."

He grabbed her wrist and dragged her in, his mouth finding hers like a radar. His hands shot up into her hair and he tugged the ponytail free. She jerked and her hands pressed against his chest, her fingers dug into his skin. Peppermint burned between them, his tongue wanting more. He cupped her jaw, tilted her head and she opened for him. The breath between them melted as she rose on her tip toes. His hands slid down her back and over her perfect ass, his cock snug against her thigh. She groaned, he stumbled two steps back and blinked. The slap of hand to cheek stung him like a knife.

"Fuck, what the hell was that for?" He palmed his cheek and stared at her.

She smoothed her dress down and flicked her hair over her shoulder. "You're not kissing yourself out of this one Bongiovi."

"Well well, isn't this a pleasant gathering?" His eyes flicked over his shoulder as the man rounded the building, his boots thumped like bullets on the deck.

MacKenzie whirled around and backed up against Jon, "What do you want?"

Jon felt his stomach sink as the man casually opened his jacket, the bare blade of his knife caught in the sun.

He pulled his cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and pointed them at Jon, "Care for one?"

"Don't," she hissed under her breath.

Well fucking duh, he wasn't about to take anything from knife guy. If he tried anything it would have to be quick, anyone could walk out here and break the confrontation. Whether that was a good thing, or knife guy would just go crazy. His veins pumped with ice, as MacKenzie's ass pressed up against him.

"What do you want? We were just enjoying the view."

The man chuckled, he was at least six foot, clear Puerto-Rican descent and it was clear this was not a coincidence. "I've come to deliver a message."

"Oh?" MacKenzie's hand poised on her thigh.

"My boss would like to invite you both to come and see him, for a little chat."

Jon's eyes widened behind his lenses and his hand rested on the small of her back. He trusted her, he had to believe she knew how to handle this as he sure the fuck didn't.

"We're not going anywhere."

He sneered, "your call. You can do this the easy way, or the hard way."

"How about the cops way, I can call them right now." Her voice never wavered, she stood upright and confident, how, he'd never know. He was a coward standing behind her, and this was one of the most humble moments of his life.

"Lady, you are the cops. Why don't you reach for your gun? Oh wait," he turned around to the wall of glass where people were lunching, completely unaware what was unfolding out here. "We don't want to create a scene now, do we?" He nodded to Jon, "that wouldn't be a good look for Rock-star over here."

His heart thumped as his face flashed through his mind. He was the guy in the car, the day he was nearly hit at the studio. Oh god. Reality was unfolding, and all he could think about was that the only thing standing between a crazy gang member and his safety, was the woman he was in love with.

He clenched as the guy took two steps forward, and Mackenzie froze, ready to pounce. "She's got your balls as well as your dignity huh?"

"Tell your boss, if he wants to talk to us, he can talk to me," MacKenzie said evenly.

The waves that lapped at the edge of the wharf were the only sound above the pulse in his ears, this was it. In ten seconds, this guy could seriously injure someone. He swallowed, even kill someone.

He towered over MacKenzie and covered her hand on her thigh as she reached, "You don't want to know how that ends pig. I'm giving you one more chance, wait for the call on where to meet him and I swear to god if you come with more than just yourselves, or don't come at all..."

In forty seven years of his life, Jon would never forget eyes of steel that burned through his. "Or you and your children won't see Christmas."

Acid bubbled in his throat, and the guy doubled over as Mackenzie's knee connected with his balls. "Run, get to the car." She shoved him forward, he lost his footing but regained composure quickly as she dragged him around the building out to the front where the cars were waiting. She yanked open the door and pushed him in, slamming the door behind him. The red leather interior blurred as she demanded the driver to get the hell out of here. She clicked on her Blackberry and held it to her ear, the world spun as he pressed his cheek against the seat and clutched his belly, still swirling with shock. He caught parts of her conversation, but the rest was jumbled sentences as the car rolled away.

"David, it's Mac. I need the surveillance team to scan all cars near the yacht club-"

"No we're not hurt, he's OK."

"The kids, get a status on the family for me."

He wanted to tell her he recognized the guy, from the hit and run but he couldn't find words. He sunk into the seat, rested his cheek against leather and waited for the world to stop spinning.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Jon yanked the water bottle out of the holder and squeezed it into his mouth. His feet pounded the treadmill, much like his head pounded with uncertainty. Why had he gone and slept with her? What the fuck was that going to achieve? Then, much to his disgust he was cold to her. He saw the hurt she masked in her eyes, but he reasoned it was the only way. Things had just got complicated to a fifteen, on a scale from one to ten. And it was all because he couldn't keep his cock in his pants. But fuck, if that wasn't a good bout of love-making in there. He slapped his hand on the panel, "sex Jon. Sex." Love-making was something you did with your wife, and he no longer had one of those. MacKenzie wasn't his wife and she wasn't his girlfriend, well his real one anyway.

The three mile mark ticked over on the display so he jammed up the speed. He felt like he could fly for god's sake. He was going to beat his personal best for five miles, all because he had sex with his bodyguard. And then was a prick afterwards. He could go back and apologize, hell she'd probably slap him around the head if he tried anything now. It was the for the best, he had people that wanted to hurt them both. He had a wife who wouldn't let him see his children, what the hell else could go wrong? A flash of skin and breast writhing under him propelled him forward.

"Fuck," he gripped the railing and slammed the big red button. The treadmill rolled to a complete stop and he hung his head heaving. He was a mess, she'd rattled him good and he had no one to blame but himself. He had to get his wits back, he had to be "on" this afternoon for the Soul and then the sponsors meeting after that.

Fortunately he knew how to turn himself off, years of practice, leaving his personal life waiting in the wings of the stage as he performed his heart out night after night. Smiles and laughs, that were so fucking fake when all he was doing was screaming inside. He remembered the night that him and Dot had ended it, and he performed at a small show in Jersey with Southside Jonny. He couldn't even remember the show itself, Southside had been his savior in that replacing Jon's usual tea with whiskey in his stage cup. There would be no whiskey now. Besides, this was his bodyguard not his wife.

Even though he was in love with her. Fuck.

"No." He was going to be an asshole. He wanted nothing more than to storm outside, drag her back to the bedroom and show her exactly how much he'd thought about her in that way in the last few weeks. Her perfect athletic body, mouthful sized breasts and strong thighs wrapped around him as he pounded them both into the next century.

His nails dug into the rubber grip of the bar and he growled. He couldn't do complicated right now and there was too many things at stake, his kids, her safety, and his. He would not compromise it for his cock, and that was it. His belly coiled with fear, sometimes still unable to comprehend why he was such a target, what the hell had he done? He'd always been a good guy. So why now?

He trudged through the last miles, grabbed his gym towel and dried himself off. His iPhone buzzed against his hip so he plucked it off and pushed the green button. "Hey Rich."

"Hey yourself, how the fuck have you been?" No matter when Jon and Richie were apart, unaware of each others schedules, his friend always had this uncanny way of knowing exactly when to call.

"I've been better. Lots going on with this gang business, the and Soul. You?"

"Obie told me."

Jon rolled his eyes, "I only spoke to him this morning. He told you that quickly?" Obie was one of his closest friends, along with Richie. Obie would never break Jon's trust to anyone but Richie and only if he was worried about him.

"Uh huh. You know Dorothea is just freaking out right? She'll calm down."

Jon picked at the label on his drink bottle. "She has every right to be angry. I should have told her, I just didn't want them to worry anymore than they had to." He sank down into the gym chair and propped his feet on a medicine ball.

"Jonny, it's me. You don't have to pretend you're ok. I know you're not."

Jon sighed. "I've got MacKenzie. I'll be fine, even though they probably know who she is now."

"Is she handling it all ok? Do you still trust she can keep you safe?"

Jon rolled the butt of the bottle across his belly. "Yes, MacKenzie I do trust. As much as that pains me to say."

Richie laughed, "that's more the Jon that I know. You're still getting on ok with each other? I can't imagine you like having a woman up your ass twenty four hours."

Jon raised his brow, they were more than getting on, and that was what the problem was. "We're doing fine. I get pissy but she knows me, well." A little too well, truth be told.

"Is that all? I saw you guys on some pap thing the other day, god knows why I was watching it. I hate those things but you two were all cuddled up on the red carpet."

The teasing tone in his friends voice pissed him off, "its called acting Richie. She's paid to look like my girlfriend. She's a good actress." So good, he never could tell when she was pretending and not pretending. Again, another problem that led him down this path of debauchery.

"Whoa, relax buddy. I meant you, not her."

Jon stopped and frowned, "what are you talking about?"

Richie chuckled, "you forget that I've known you for a very long time Jon. I know the way you look at people, whether you're genuine or not."

"If you're implying that I feel something for Mackenzie besides being my employee, yes she's easy to get along with and we've got a lot in common but there is nothing going on."

"You've always been a shit liar too Jonny. It's ok--I didn't ring to push your buttons, I just wanted to see if you were doing alright after everything. Which I assume you're going to tell me you're fine and you're really lying."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, god dammit he hated when Richie was right. He was so wound up, and the one person he could trust that would understand all this was the one he'd just slept with and fucked the dynamic up completely. "I'm handling it Richie. I appreciate your call though."

There was a silence, "OK Jonny. But call me anytime. If you need to. Or hell, just call me. I'm worried."

Jon smiled. "Thanks Richie. I will. Maybe you can come to the apartment for dinner sometime this week." It might be just what he needed. He could give MacKenzie the night off to go and do what she wanted and stay put at the apartment. Space.

"Sounds like a plan. Call me."

He clipped his phone back on his waist and snagged his water. He was not looking forward to the next few hours being so close with her, pretending to pretend to not feel anything for her, while actually touching her. Christ this was just a clusterfuck of a situation. By the end of the day, her haunting ginger scent would be stuck to all his clothes and he'd have a hard on, no matter how hard he tried not to. "Operation freeze out begins." For him, his cock and his life.

~

She showered and wrapped a towel around her body. Her thighs throbbed as what should have been a delicious reminder of the sex she'd had earlier. But now, it was more like salt on the wound. It was Jon dealing, and inside she knew that. She'd known the man long enough that she knew that's exactly what he was doing. She slid into a knee length, sleeveless linen dress and cinched a belt around her waist.

She slathered lotion on her arms and pinned her hair back in a high ponytail. The dress was loose enough she could strap her thigh holster and carry her 20mm Black Widow. Protection of this kind was essential now. She just hoped like hell, she'd never have to use it in a very public situation.

She applied a thin layer of makeup. She was lucky she was never the kind of girl that needed a lot. She had good genes and even toned skin. She tucked her essentials into the small clutch and wished she had Valium she could slip in as well. She had to erase the need of Jon and replace it with the need to protect them. This was her job, her job was not to kiss him stupid and ride him screaming into the next orgasm. Her cheeks flushed as she took a deep breath. God, she was just as much an idiot as he was. She pulled out her Blackberry and her thumb hovered over David's number. She was breaking her pact of complete honesty with him, he would kill her if he knew how deep she really was in. She jumped at the sharp rap on the door, plummeting her back to reality.

"Are you ready? The driver is downstairs."

She slipped her phone into her purse and clicked it closed. Guess she was just going to have to deal with him herself. She opened the door and plastered a smile on her face. "Ready."

Had he read her mind earlier? The white crisp shirt, top button open peeked out threads of silver chest hair she was up close and personal with just hours ago. She swallowed hard. God and he smelled delicious. By the time they got to the car, the cool exterior she'd applied had melted off. Being around him just made her want him, and want him to admit to her he was being ridiculous freezing her out like this. They clearly had an attraction so there was no point acting like a seventeen year old and ignoring it, no matter how fucked up things were right now. Not after what happened in there.

He held the car door open, and she slid across the backseat. It was ridiculous they hadn't even spoken about what happened. Not one word. She crossed her legs and pursed her lips, if he wanted hardball. Let him have it. She watched the streets fly by, and glanced in the rear view once and while to make sure no one was following them. She had a car tailing them discreetly, just until she knew what they were dealing with. She rubbed her belly, she hoped they'd know what they were dealing with soon. MacKenzie didn't like the unknown, not when it was her client and her in the firing line. And her lover.

How could he sit there so stiff and pretend nothing had happened? They'd destroyed each other ten times over and he sat there like a statue pretending that things were just fucking dandy. Evidently he was more professional than she was right now. God, she hated that. She needed to put this behind her and just do her damned job. God be damned. She took his hand and smiled.

"Jon," she coaxed.

He looked at her hand, curled his fingers around hers and gazed out the window.

"Yes?"

"Are you ok?" She had to say something, short of reaching down his throat for words. She smoothed down her the skirt of dress.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be."

She closed her eyes as they came to a red light and bit her lip. Because we just blew each others mind and all you can do sit there and pretend it's fucking ok. "No reason at all."

"MacKenzie." He said softly, the warmth reached his eyes.

"Yes?" Her eyes searched his, the cinnamon locks framed his face, his jaw was tight and his lips looked every bit as kissable as they did this morning.

"Are you going to be ok today? It'll be revolving around football."

She sighed, it was sweet that he'd thought of that but it annoyed her on the other hand as she knew he was doing it to change the subject. "Yes, I'll be fine Jon. Thank you."

"Ok, well let me know if you do. I wouldn't want any of us distracted today."

God she wanted to slap him, right there in the car. He was being a prize jerk. Of course it was his plan not to deal with them, freaking men. The car rolled up to the yacht club, she stepped out of the car, leaned into him and whispered. "You should have thought of that before you put your cock inside me." It was low, and it was completely unprofessional of her but she took small satisfaction watching his eyes pop as she slipped her arm in his.

"Kenzie," he lowered his voice.

"No I get it Jon. You want professional you'll get it. Just don't even think about touching me at home or your balls will be lodged in your throat." She smiled and waved as Jerry and his wife made their way over.

"MacKenzie, Jon--good to see you again."

"Likewise Jerry." She smiled and laughed along with the rest of them, held her head high and did her job. She kept an eye on the perimeter which was manned with regular security, as there was a few dignitaries attending the luncheon, and she kept sturdy watch on anyone that glanced their way. She stayed close to Jon and took her cues, he squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek when necessary, but as far as she was concerned he may as well be slapping her with a wet-fish. She had made a big mistake sleeping with him, and for the first time in her professional and personal life. MacKenzie Cooper didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Va-cay

Hey guys.

If you didn't already know I am in the United States for two weeks, I am here to see Bon Jovi out at the Meadowlands for the shows, and catch up with friends here. It's going to be awesome.

So what this means is that I won't be posting for a couple of weeks! Well definitely not this week, it's going to be crazy. So thank you for understanding but I will be back online very soon! Promise, Mac and Jon will continue soon and I apologize for leaving it in a cliff hanger! Well with very unresolved things, but I will be back!

xxx

Chapter Thirty-Six

There was nothing like having a naked woman wrapped around you like a pretzel, especially after a hard fuck that his body still screamed from. The soft curve of her breast pressed against his bicep and her hair draped over his forearm. The steady breathing in the night had given him a chance to think, his dick to deflate, and his mind to start working again. He’d tried hard not to re-live the fuck-fest that had just happened. Worse than that, he now had confirmation that them together, was lethal.

He should have rolled out of the bed, but the feeling of having someone sleeping next to him again was a strange comfort. Her silky leg hooked over his thigh, her hand rested flat on his belly with the sheet draped down in lame attempt to cover them. He'd tried not to look at her while she slept but he figured he'd already fucked himself of any self-control and inappropriate thoughts. The soft lines around her face were relaxed and worry had melted away.

The worry she had for him.

Being naked with her was a bad idea. It was like a good night out on a few bottles of wine, excellent buzz at the time until the next morning you had to live with the hangover. In this case there was no wine to blame and that's what was scary. All these feelings he couldn't control around her. She'd asked him to wait until this was all over and he'd sworn to himself to not go here as she was him employee. Let's not forget the tiny detail of his life being in danger, and now hers. If these were all cardinal sins, he'd have a condo rent free in hell. Fuck.

Get out of the bed Jon.

His head was still thick with thought and his chest tight with uncertainty but he felt safe. Safe here with her next to him. She murmure and her lips parted causing his cock to twitch. Not now! He groaned when the tip of her nipple beaded against his arm, it would take a fucking army to move him now. He closed his eyes; he could get out of the fucking bed. Hell, he'd left plenty of girls in bed back in the day, so why couldn’t he now? He told himself to get out of bed now, cut the losses with minimal embarrassment so they could concentrate on what they were dealing with. That's what a reasonable man would do instead of complicating things further. He slammed his face it his pillow. "Ugh."

To hell with the reasonable man.

The early dawn crept along the windows slowly melting away the night, he had time.
Time for one more taste. He tipped her chin with the top of his knuckle and pressed his lips against hers. Besides, there was nothing wrong with wanting to savor a moment that shouldn't have happened and felt so good, was there? He shut down his thought as he knew any second sensible Jon would come to his senses. She sighed into his mouth as he took the kiss deeper letting his tongue taste every corner of her mouth. She tasted like morning and sex, and he wanted more. He brought his hands up and framed her face, her eyes fluttered open. Her cheeks flushed pink and he brushed her cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs.

"Morning," he shifted into her, his knee sliding between her legs as he hovered over her. The tip of her nipples scraped against his chest and now, he was a dead man. He took his time letting his lips move over her chin, down her neck and slowly across her shoulder. Creamy skin dotted with freckles led a path down to her perfect breasts. His knee pressed against her naked heat and her breathing hitched, her eyes focused completely on him. He'd tortured himself with the shape of her breasts so long and now, now he was going to take his time and taste. Her hand fisted in his hair as he rolled her nipple between his teeth, and she arched off the mattress.

His fingers trailed down her abdomen, swirling at her belly and dipped down between her thighs. He'd forgotten what it felt like to want, want something so bad that he didn't care if it felt like the world was falling down around him to stop it. And god, it had been a long since he'd not cared, he just needed to not care for another twenty minutes. The tips of his fingers teased her dripping centre and he growled as he slipped inside her. Her head tipped back and his teeth took advantage of her exposed lovely neckline. Her skin was as light as spun sugar under his lips and just as sweet. For a women so athletic, and let's be honest, she could kick his ass. She was still female sexy in every possible way.

His mouth latched to the other nipple as he felt the orgasm roll through her under him. Her chest heaved and she dragged him in close punching up the heat up by several hundred degrees. It made no sense at all to fall so free like this, but he didn't need sense right now, he needed, no-he craved a big orgasm. Her lips were raw and swollen love her from kissing his face off. Her arms coiled up around his neck and her legs hooked over his hips and he barely slid home when he stopped.

"Shit!" He'd forgotten a condom in their rush of lust before. He never forgot, ever.

Her lips curved into a smile, her hair fanned out around the pillows. "It's OK. I'm on something."

He raked his hand through his hair, "I never--" But she took his hand and kissed the tips of his fingers before placing it on her breast.

"Jon, its fine. Really."

He entered her and his eyes rolled back, "fuck." She stretched around him as moved, slow and fluid, milking them to the limit any way he could.

Her nails raked through his chest hair, and he hissed when her thumbs rolled over his nipples. With the sun blaring on his back he dropped his hands on each side of her and watched as his cock slowly moved in and out of her.

Her eyes flickered with lust, and he knew he was close to breaking her. She was much like him in so many ways, she couldn't be out of control for too long. It was dangerous that he was starting to know her, inside her mind and how she thought and every glorious curve of her body. Her heels squeezed into the back of his thighs, and he was tempted to break, tempted to drive her over the edge screaming but he waited. He wasn't a patient man at the best of times, but watching her wriggle under him, feel her skin grow slick under his--was worth it.

His eyes held hers and flicked down to her lips and back to her eyes. His heart rushed in his chest as he saw it, in Technicolor laid out in front of him. He wasn't meant to be in love with her, not because it was wrong. It just didn't make sense. His cock and his heart were sending mixed messages so he had to put distance between them before he drove himself crazy. It scratched at the bottom of his stomach, fuck. He was in love with her. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

His cock drove hard into her and she flung her hands out to bunch the sheets. Sweat beaded his temple as his salty flavor mingled with hers. His jaw clenched as she did around him, his cock throbbed and his body shook uncontrollably as he let go. "Oh god," he collapsed against the pillows and rolled onto his side away from her, his body still jolting with aftershocks. Sunshine and her scent of ginger filled the room, he needed a minute. He needed a minute before he had to clear his head and deal with whatever this was. He closed his eyes and she snuggled in behind him winding her arm around his waist. The warmth of a woman behind him was something he'd not had in a long time and it was strangely comforting. Just for a little while.

~

MacKenzie rolled over, smiled and stretched into the sunlight that was streaming around her. She curled her toes till she heard them pop and sighed, her body felt abused. And boy did it feel good. She was raw all over but she felt relaxed. She knew once she opened her eyes things would change from sated bliss she felt now, and the real life situation outside this bedroom would take over again. But man that was some freaking sex. She peeled her eyes open and blinked, adjusting to the low November sun. She was tangled in cotton and smack in the middle of his generous bed, alone. On some level she expected he'd be gone when she woke, what she wasn't prepared for was the small ache inside her chest that he actually was.

She lay back and blew her hair out of her face wishing she could crawl under the sheet and stay there forever. But no, she had to get up and go back to being his bodyguard and had to get on with what she was here to do. The question was, could they after this? Dammit MacKenzie. "It'll be OK." They both knew the score, it would be OK. She dragged herself up, out of bed, grabbed her clothes and disappeared back into her bedroom. She could hear movement and talking from downstairs. Jon was probably on his phone, he wasn't off it much these days. She chuckled, neither was she.

The shower did little to calm her nerves, why was she nervous? It wasn't one of those awkward one night stands where you snuck out the next morning, as let’s face it, neither of them could sneak out anywhere. She twisted her hair up in a ponytail and zipped her hooded sweat jacket. It wasn't meant to happen like this, first time sex never was though. Wait, first time sex? Getting ahead of yourself there Mac, who says there will be another time? She put her hands on the counter and leaned forward, lord she was a mess. While the sex had untwisted the gut wrenching need she felt every time she was near him, it had tangled her up inside more.

She ached in places she’d forgot about. She lifted the sweater and the angry red buckle mark on her belly winked back at her. This was a bad idea, how could she go and face him downstairs and pretend none of this happened? Maybe he didn't want to pretend either? There was this undeniable attraction between him but she thought it would simmer off after being able to have it out with him and make it bearable. What if she walked into the room and all she wanted to do was jump him?

"Oh god," she clutched her belly. This was ridiculous. She pushed up her sleeves and padded down the stairs, Jon was sitting at the table hammering on his laptop, his phone glued to his ear. She drifted into the kitchen, frowned and dug around for her creamer, he usually had it out for her next to the coffee that was brewing. She picked up her Blackberry while she sipped her coffee and scrolled through the calendar for the day. Jon had a luncheon for the Soul at one, and drinks with sponsors at five in the city. Joy. It a little after eight so there was plenty of time to do some of her paper work, maybe go for a run if Jon wanted to.

She poured herself a bowl fruit and yogurt and took it back into the living room with her coffee. He didn't look up from his screen as he kept talking. Relax, he's just doing business, you know it's like talking to a brick wall when he does. She clicked through her emails and fired off a couple to David and her parents. Her parents knew she was in the middle of a big job so they were used to the limited contact but she still missed them. She speared a piece of apple and watched Jon, he'd showered, and his hair had that wet ruffled look. Much like the look it had this morning when he woke her all hot and delicious. Jesus, the fork clattered against the bowl and Jon looked up at her.

"That's what I said Jerry--" Her heart raced in her ears, her belly should have clenched but his eyes were flat and he didn't smile. Instead, he flicked his gaze back to the laptop. It was clear to MacKenzie then, he wanted to forget it. Just great. She finished her fruit and washed up. She heard him disconnect the call held her breath as he made his way into the kitchen behind her.

He put his cup in the dish-drawer and bumped it shut. "You OK for the luncheon and drinks today?"

She nodded, "yeah I just checked my calendar---is the luncheon formal?"

He washed his hands and dried them on the dish towel and nodded, "yeah. I'm wearing a suit, no tie though. So a dress will be fine, and the driver is picking us up from the lobby at twelve-thirty."

The image of a crisp white shirt popped open at the top made her swallow. "OK, sounds good to me." God, he would not look at her. She didn't know whether to be hurt or fucking angry. He was being ridiculous. He was being Jon.

He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "I'm going to go for a run."

"OK, I'll get changed into my runners and we can go--"

"On the treadmill upstairs." He turned and left her in alone in the kitchen, she had a right mind to run after him and grab him. God knows if she would end up slapping him or fucking him. Everything evidently, was now fucked up. She rubbed her chest and took a deep breath; she had to pull herself together. She had a job to do, and he just made very clear to her that's all he was interested in discussing.

Just wonderful.