Wednesday, March 10, 2010
At a loss, Jon didn't even know what to say. She was in love with him? The tension between them was unreal and yet still so new. He tucked her hair back. "Don't be sorry," he said softly. "I just can't bear to see you hurt."
She backed up and met his gaze and swallowed the lump in her throat. She wished now, she never had said anything. “I’ll be fine,” she’d be bruised tomorrow, both body and heart.
She turned away, her shoulders stiff with embarrassment. The air between them was thick with silence. Fuck. He wasn't ready to put them into words yet. Words were his specialty and yet here, he was at a loss. Placating a woman wasn't his style, but he'd never intentionally hurt one either. Fucking, fuck.
The walk back to his loft was a long one, neither one of them quite sure what to say to the other. He didn't want to bring up the subject again, but he didn't want her to think he was a complete ass either. The words weren't something he took lightly, and if he knew anything at all about Kenzie--it wasn't something she took lightly.
When he opened the door for her, she muttered a thank you and slipped past him, not even a brush of cotton between them. God, he was an ass.
Had she read the signs all wrong? They were so comfortable with each other when they were alone, and the sexual tension at times was thick enough to cut with a knife. Why did he keep trying to get her into his bed? Did he only just want the pay off, the thrill of the hunt and then be done with her? She shook it off as she made her way to the bedroom. He wasn't like that, so she kept telling herself. He had been different. She’d felt it.
She grabbed her oversized hoodie and pulled it over her head, part of her wishing she could just disappear back to the safety of her own apartment. But no, here she was... or was she? Her cover may have just been blown but she still had a duty to protect him even if he didn't lov- No, you got it wrong. Just deal with it and move on. She sat down on her bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. Dammit, if she'd just waited till after the job none of this would have happened, the slip up, the admission. Nothing.
Pacing back and forth through the kitchen to the living room, he peered down the hallway twice before slapping the wall. "Dammit," he hissed and went back to the kitchen. Opening a bottle of water, he glugged half of it down and grabbed another.
Calling himself ten kinds of fool, he pushed open her door. She sat there, her shoulders hunched in as she tucked her chin in tighter into her knees. Crouching in front of her, he offered up the bottle. "Kenz, honey c'mon." He noticed the scrapes down her arm and across her forearm. "Let's get you cleaned up. He did a real number on you."
"I just wasn't paying attention, it was my fault.” My fault for being so fucking stupid. The raw sting was slowly burning across her body, she needed to clean herself up or risk infection from the gravel scrapes.
He stood, holding out a hand to her. When her fingers trembled, he swore and leaned down, swinging her up into his arms. "Let's see what we can do to patch you up." She stiffened in his arms, but he just shushed her. "Relax, I've got you."
She resisted but curled her hands around his neck as he carried her into his ensuite bathroom. She felt a little helpless, and not just because she was injured, her own ego had taken a beating. She was tempted to bring it up, clear the air and laugh it off just so she could go back to relaxing around him. He lowered her onto the counter and pulled her sweatshirt right off her, leaving her just in her sports bra. "I can do this," she insisted as he reached around and plucked the antiseptic from the top shelf of his cabinet. Her eye caught the jumbo size packet of condoms before she looked away again.
His eyes peered up into the cabinet, the unmistakable white block letters on the black box like a beacon. Clearing his throat, he lifted her arm up. Angry finger marks bruised the skin there and he resisted the urge to kiss it. They were in a very grey area right now. The scrapes, he gently patted with a washcloth. She didn't say a word, just stared over his shoulder. "Do you think your cover is blown?"
She blew out her breath, "honestly. I don't know. They'd never really know for sure but I guess they will know that you've got protection..." it could be a bad thing, and it could be a good thing. But she'd become a target and after tonight she doubted they'd stop there. It wasn't how they rolled from experience. "We will be ok, I'll call David later and talk to him." Yeah, and tell him the clusterfuck of a situation I've got myself in.
"Is my family okay? Will they retaliate in a different way?" The sudden thought twisted through his gut like oily snakes. "I'd nearly forgotten about them the last few days, to be honest. Things have been so quiet."
She hissed when he applied the antiseptic on sliced skin. "They will be ok, I'll make sure of it through David. If anything they will want to take us both down now." She followed his slow movements down her arm. "I'd forgotten too, I guess in a way we became so used to just being around each other... it came naturally without a cause."
Her muscles were firm under the silk of her skin. It was obvious that she took care of herself. The tips of his fingers stroked down the inside of her arm, his thumb brushing against her wrist. When her lips parted in reaction, he slowly leaned forward. Her eyes widened as she suddenly pulled back.
There it was, that look in his eyes that she'd taken for granted so many times that it meant something, obviously. "Do your kids get a lot of scrapes and bruises? You look like you've done this before." She swallowed away any urges to lean in closer. That's what got you into trouble last time.
"Well, I'm hope for the summer usually and of course that's the primetime for scrapes," he laughed. He'd practically thrown her words back in her face, like she'd want to kiss him now. Christ. She made him nutty.
"I can just imagine..." Say it, just clear the air with him. What else have you possibly got to lose dammit? But then her eyes fell back to the box in his cabinet. Maybe he did want just a quick fuck, to get it out of his system. But the tension between them? She was no relationship expert but hell, there was only so much you could deny.
Disgusted with himself he stood up. "Why don't you take a shower and we'll talk to all of our people. I want to touch base with my kids." The disappointment on her face was palpable, but he had to get away from her. The mixed messages were epic already. Christ.
"Yeah, a shower." She repeated. She didn't want a fucking shower, she wanted him to admit he felt the same way as her. She didn't just risk her life for nothing, fuck, she wanted to let it go, let him walk away so he could make his calls. But she couldn't. The stubborn streak inside of her couldn't let it. She popped herself off his counter and grabbed his shoulder spinning him around till his back thudded against the wall. "Admit it, just admit to me..." she winced as her body pressed into his. Oh god, she was crazy tempting to be shot down the second time in the night.
Her eyes scanned his, "Admit that you were wrong not to run when I told you." Chicken, Mackenzie.
His jaw clicked shut. Right now he didn't want to think about running. He could only think about her warm, soft body pushing against his. "I don't want to run."
God, if she'd only been paying attention she could have got them the hell out of dodge instead of the gang guys making a number of her. If she hadn't spent countless nights at her laptop peering over at him wondering what he would feel like twisted around her after a session of hard fucking. She lifted her hand to his cheek and brushed her thumb across his jaw. "Admit it Jon, all this, tell me it’s not just me." Her heart thundered against her chest in anticipation, his eyes said it... and the way his body melted into hers showed it.
His fingers tunnelled through her hair, dragging her mouth up to his. "Not just you," he said between kisses. Her arm wrapped around his neck and he hooked her leg around his waist. Lifting her onto the counter, he deepened the kiss.
She groaned, she was still tender but she didn't care. The weight around her shoulders lifted, he did care. She didn't know what that meant for them right now, but she didn't care. She clawed her way up his neck and into his hair pulling herself closer, the smell of sweat and spice consumed her as something snapped inside of her. She wanted him, god she needed him at this moment. Her tongue tasted every corner of his mouth before she pulled back, their breathing both hitched. "Take me in there..." she whispered as she tugged on his bottom lip.
He lifted her into his arms, bumping against the doorjamb as they slowly backed into her bedroom. His fingers moulded around her back, into the cool damp hair at her neck. Rolling them onto her bed, he pressed her into the mattress. His nose bumped across her ribs and along the cotton elastic of her sports bra.
The tip of her nipple burned through the pristine white and he sucked through the material. His fingers raked up her thigh, his thumb digging into the wide leg until he found the elastic edge of her panties. When she arched up at him, he dipped inside, her heat drenching the pad of his thumb.
He groaned against her mouth as he pushed them aside to get deeper inside of her, finding her swollen clit under her hood. Circling it, he matched the rhythm of their kiss to each stroke.
She fisted her fingers into his hair and he flipped her sports bra up with his other hand. His mouth devoured her nipple, sucking it deep into his mouth. He'd been holding back for so long, that each taste had him closer to the edge.
The shrill ring of the phone had him jerking against her, but he didn't stop. Instead, he moved to the other nipple, drawing it deeper into his mouth until the suction made a pop as he let it go.
The click of the answering machine was like ice water, snow and a child's shriek all in one.
"Daddy! Mama said you'd come over, can you?" Jake and Romeo's voices were a cacophony of excitement and garbled fighting. "No! Romeo, it's my turn on the phone!"
He reared back, the quick heaving of her chest, the slick, wetness on her dark pink nipple and the sound of his children crashed into their reality. "Shit," he said and leaned back.
She sank back further into the bed as stood. "You," she panted. "You better get that." He nodded looking back over at the phone and then back at her. "Go, sounds like Dot needs you." Her mouth was dry, as her world came crashing to a halt. Her nipples still buzzing with the touch his mouth left behind. She briefly smiled, as she remembered his words. He loved- or did he just want her? She sat up and twisted her bra back down as she watched Jon talk on the phone, kneading his fingers into his bicep as he did.
Oh god, what was happening. Now she got everything she wanted but couldn't make sense whether it was right or not. She was still his bodyguard and until that changed, they couldn't. No matter what feelings were involved. She stood, as her legs trembled and straightened herself up. If he was going somewhere safe she needed to put some distance between them, just for a little while. She needed her co-worker, she needed David.
When he came back in with a small sheepish smile, she forced one back. "Dot needs you?"
She was already covered up, her eyes not quite meeting his. Fuck. "The kids have been asking about me...ad nauseum it seems." He swallowed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Would it be okay if I took a trip out to the old house?" It galled him to ask, but at this point he wasn't taking any chances.
She nodded. "Yeah, I'll drop you there if you like... to make sure that you get there ok, I want to head into see David. That way I can find out what's going on, and see where we stand."
He raked his hands through his hair. They stood on shakey ground is where they stood. The want and the need simmered between them, but there was a wall in the way. One that he'd caused. He nodded slowly. "I'll get ready."
"I'll just get changed." She let him leave and closed the door behind him leaning back against it. One part of her wanted to crawl out of her skin with joy, and the other one wanted to throw up. She didn’t know if what just happened made things better or worse in there. Fuck.