A wild thing

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

-Oscar Wilde


thanks for all the awesome comments, I'll be back very soon with the next chapter as we wind into the climax. Kiwi xx

Chapter Fifty-Five

She clipped her holster under her jacket and slid her baby Glock down into her ankle holster, she was taking no chances with this one. Her head buzzed as if she'd taken six shots of espresso but it wasn't caffeine responsible for her buzz. It was pure adrenaline. The gun shot into the living room has shattered the large window that overlooked the city's skyline and quite frankly her confidence that this was all under control. There was no time to dwell on that now, David was right they had to get the hell outta dodge and the safest option was to get Jon on a plane so they could at least breathe.

David paced into the room with a sports bag slung over his shoulder. "Is he ready to go?"

She nodded and zipped up her sweat jacket. "Yeah as far as ready is in this situation but he understands."

David grabbed his cell and keys. "It can't be easy."

She slid her aviators on and shook her head. "We should have handed this off to the police David. This is just ridiculously out of control and I don’t' have a good feeling about it." She kept her voice low in case Jon ventured out into the living room but she guessed that he'd have to be pretty much pried out of the bathroom at this point.

She closed her eyes as his heavy hand landed on her shoulder. "You did what was right. You even said they'd get more volatile if we involved the cops. You know how gangs work Mac."

She appreciated the sentiment but it was lost. "Yes but we're standing in a Soho apartment freaking floors up with the window blown out David!" She clutched her belly as nausea rolled through her. "What if he had been on the couch?"

"MacKenzie, He wasn't. Now pull yourself together! I know this is tough for you but you can do this."

She looked into eyes that she'd trusted for a long time and nodded. "I know. I can do this. Let's just get him to the airport. Is the car nearly here?"


David's phone shrilled and he nodded as he answered it. "This will be them. Go and get him."

She jogged up the stairs to the bedroom, took a deep breath and tapped lightly on the bathroom door. "Are you ready?" She did really have to pull her own emotions into check if this was how she was feeling Jon had to be a wreck. His whole world was been ripped away from under him and he was already so close to the edge of insanity with it. She slid open the wardrobe and snagged one of his baseball caps and a grabbed a pair of his sunglasses.

The door opened cautiously and her heart fell. He stood defeated in the hoodie and jeans she'd thrown him. She handed him the cap and glasses. "Here put these on and pull your hoodie up over the cap. David's doing the same so it will throw them off for a second.

He nodded. "David's taller than me."

She managed a small smile. "I know but we need to do anything to deter attention. Are you ok?"

"I could do with a cigarette."

"I've got some in the bag, you can have one in the car." She waited for him so he could walk out with her behind him shielding him from a shot in the bedroom window. It was unlikely they were still there as police started to swarm outside but she was taking nothing to chance.

He walked but stopped and grabbed her wrist. "I'm scared."

She nodded fighting the urge to break down. He didn't need to see that right at this moment. She was scared too, scared to go out into this, and scared he was going to get hurt. She swallowed and covered his hands with hers. "I know Jon. You've got to trust us. We know what we're doing."

His eyes were sad but he was nodded, trying to hold it together and it was breaking her from the inside out.

"MacKenzie...I..." He choked on the words so she shushed him and brought her finger to his lips.

"I know you do and I do too. Always." She leaned forward and they took a small moment in the shit storm that threatened to derail everything that they had. She closed her eyes and let the heat of his kiss be the only thing that centred her again. She soothed his arms, "let’s go babe."

She ushered him out to the foyer where David was waiting in the same colour hoodie with a cap and glasses. He picked up their bags. "Okay. The lobby is secure, the police aren't happy that we're bailing but they understand in the circumstances - I've given them a brief and they'll be escorting the car to the airport. The car is outside the building so as we walk outside the building Jon, I need to you duck down as we walk on each side of you and jump into the car.

He nodded. "No problem."

MacKenzie slid her hand in his inside the elevator, her other hand free to reach for her gun if required. She blew out her breath as the elevator pinged and the double doors opened. This was it, they just had to get to the car and they'd be safe. Jon was flanked by her and David as they walked through the lobby which was crawling with residents and police and as planned the low key dress didn't attract too much attention. The doorman held the door open for them and MacKenzie smiled at him before they torpedoed Jon into the back seat of the waiting car. David jumped in the passenger seat and MacKenzie slid in after Jon. She breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed swiftly behind her and the car pulled away from the building.

David turned over his shoulder from the passenger seat. "Car is bullet proof by the way."

Jon's hands dug into the leather seats. "Didn't think this was one of the town cars I used."

MacKenzie took his hand. "We're ok." Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was convincing herself as much as she was convincing him.

~

They weren't fucking ok. His living room window had been blown out and so had all his nerves. And now he was in a bulletproof car for fuck's sake. He wasn't a president; he shouldn't have to ride in a car that could survive a spray full of bullets. He was a man who wrote and sang songs for a living so since when did that qualify for bullet proof cars and bodyguards? When? He popped his knuckles as under the early morning sun they nosed out into the traffic flow bound for Teterboro. He glanced out the window as other cars cut into the flow possibly heading to church, family lunch...anywhere but to escape some gang member’s vendetta he'd bet.

He held his breath as they dipped down into the tunnel, he'd been through it a thousand times before but never in his life had he felt so trapped. The panic rose inside his chest like needles stabbing at his lungs. He couldn't breathe. He knew he was hyperventilating but he couldn't stop it.

"Jon?"

He gasped for breath and gripped the seat. "Can't breathe." He felt helpless as his lungs gave out.

She inched across and grabbed his wrists. "Look at me Jon, I need you to look at me."

The lights down the tunnel bled into one and Kenzie blurred in front of him. "I can't." He couldn't scream so it pierced inside his head. His heart raced and he was restless like spiders were crawling under his skin.

"Yes you damn well will. Look at me!"

Her worried brown eyes came into focus and her beautiful face. Where were they going? He frowned as he couldn't remember for a second why they were in the car.

"Breathe. Take a breath Jon."

He struggled as if boulders were crushing his chest. "Hurts."

She yanked him and gave him a short sharp shake. "Fucking breathe. You're not doing this to me, not now."

The impossible weight lifted from his chest as he sucked in a short and shaky breath. Now he remembered.

"Again, I need you to do it again."

And he did--he was helpless relying on someone else to breathe for him. "Better." He managed.

"Shh...Again. Keep breathing, slow and steady."

She breathed with him and his body calmed the fuck down. "I-I don't know what happened." He squinted as they hit light out on the other side of the tunnel.

She squeezed his hands. "You had a panic attack. It's ok. I should have seen it coming. Just keep breathing, slowly Jon."

The pain in his chest eased and the tension in head dissolved. She handed him a bottle of water which he didn't refuse and chugged half of it down. He was a fucking mess, he needed for this to be over and he needed his life back. He was torn between stopping on the freeway and screaming his lungs out or curling into the corner and crying like a baby and it was doing his head in. "I'm alright." He bowed his head and closed his eyes. It was a lie but if alright constituted for not wanting to throw himself out of a moving car, then it was good enough for him.

She settled back next to him as his chest fell steady. He kept his eyes closed, maybe he was too afraid to open them and face whatever it was that out there. They bumped across the turnpike and headed north towards the airport. Everything had become so insignificant and it didn't even feel like this was his life anymore.

"Nearly there." MacKenzie whispered as she turned to the window.

"Thank god." He rubbed his chin. "Did someone make sure that Dot's house was ok?"

David held his berry up from the front seat. "Just got word that we have police outside and they've talked to your ex-wife as to why they're there."

"Thanks. She'll be less than thrilled but it's the best thing." He'd deal with that later, his kids safety was paramount in the first instance.

"Right." MacKenzie agreed.

The car edged up and around the back of the airport and David cleared the security gates for them. He wouldn't say that he was calm but he was certainly pleased to see the jet sitting on the runway ready for him to climb aboard and escape. At least no one could shoot at them in the fucking air. The car rolled around and came to a stop yards away from the plane. In all his twenty years taking planes he could only count on one hand the times his car was on the tarmac.

David twisted around in the seat. "Ok I'll get out and offload the bags to the hostess then MacKenzie will get out of the car and you will join her. I will cover you from the other side just like the elevator."

Jon nodded, the snakes coiling in his belly. "Ok." At this point he just had to do whatever they wanted him to do to get him on the plane. He had to get the hell outta here.

MacKenzie climbed out and he followed. David as promised came up the side of him and they walked towards the plane. The Jersey sunshine bit through the grey clouds as they made it to the stairs. The loud hum of the jet engine kicked into gear as he took his first step up the staircase. It was like thunder, shattering the air as the gunshots came. He heard the shouts behind him to go, run, hell he'd dive if he needed to as adrenaline pumped through him like blood.

He turned at the top and MacKenzie was right behind him with a face full of fear. “Run!"

The shot split the air and a yell of pain echoed behind him. He froze too scared to turn around, too scared to see if she was still alive. She was hanging off the rail screaming at David who had fallen flat on his back on the tarmac below. Blood pooled around him eating into the dirty concrete. Jon reached and grabbed her shoulder dragging her up the stairs, if they didn't move they'd both be down there. He pulled them both into the plane, sirens wailed and police swarmed the area.

"David NO!" She crawled to the side of the plane and curled her fingers around the edge looking out and down. “God, David no." The plane was rolling away and Jon sat crumpled against a seat not really seeing what he believed - this wasn't real life this was an action movie that he'd take one of his kids to see. MacKenzie slumped her body admitting defeat and sobbed into the carpet as the stairs were lifted and tucked into the side of the plane. His hand quivered as he reached out to her.

"It should have been me. Oh god, it should have been me."

The plane made speed down the runaway and the captain confirmed the clearance to take off. He lifted her up off the ground and into a chair. "C'mon buckle yourself in Kenz." He clipped the belt around her waist and quickly did his own before cupping her hands and pulling her into him. He kissed her forehead as she hiccupped but she settled against him. Both unable to even speak. It had to be like leaving Brian there all over again for her and his heart broke for her. He closed his eyes and knew he had to be strong for her, if he didn't he'd crumble just like her. He rubbed her shoulder and whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Chapter Fifty-Four

MacKenzie groaned and squinted as the sun bled into the room. She winced as she moved to roll but she was tangled with her bed partner and god, her whole body felt like it had been slammed into a Mac truck. Jon was sprawled face first on his belly, buried in a pillow. She lay back for a second and blinked at the ceiling. They must have passed out in the end and missed the rest of the party - Ouch.

She slid her body up against his back and tucked her chin in the back of his shoulder just to feel that safety she always had around him. He mumbled and then smiled, his eyes still shut.

“Morning.”

She kissed the side of his head and laid her cheek against warm skin. If only they could stay here forever and live the illusion that everything about this was normal. But no, she couldn’t even get dressed with her boyfriend then walk down Soho for a bagel arm in arm enjoying the simplicity of being outside without the threat of someone firing a bullet at them.

He groaned. “My head hurts.”

She chuckled. “Well that might be the small liquor shop that you drunk before you decided to nail me to the bed.”

He yawned and then stretched under her. “Yeah I did go a bit crazy.”

“Did you want to talk about it?”

He exhaled, sighed and turned over on his side facing away from her. She was wrapped herself around him from behind. Her hands slid around his waist and he rested his on top of hers. “I lost it on the balcony with Tico. Not my brightest moment.”

She frowned and tightened her grip around him. “What do you mean lost it?” She’d known something had been off about him from the minute he’d been fawning over her in front of Richie.

He shrugged. “Lost my ability to pretend that I am ok with this, that I like having one of the only things I have to have taken away from me. My freedom.”

“Oh Jon, I’m sorry.” That explain the desperation and need that had poured out of him and of course the control fuck-fest he’d initiated.

He shrugged. “It is what it is but I’m just sick of living like a prisoner in my own home. I hate it. And my kids…” He swallowed. “I just want to see my kids.”

“I know. I know you do.” She kissed his back, she hated what this was doing to him. In some ways this is what was harder being so close to the action. Emotional investment. She knew why they had to do what they did to keep him safe but the reality of him dealing with it tugged at her.

“How do you do it? I mean all this? And still stay sane?”

She laughed softly. “Years of training. Doesn’t mean I don’t go insane. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with – for obvious reasons as well.”
He snorted softly. “What you don’t fall in love with your charges often?”

She patted his hand. “Only the good looking smart-assed ones.” He twisted around so he was facing her and she slid her leg up over his. The kiss was slow and she relaxed into his heat. “I can’t wait until this is over.”

“You’ll get to go home to your own apartment.”

“It doesn’t even feel like my apartment anymore. I’m so used to being here so I’d watch out if I was you. A girl gets used to these kinds of modern comforts too easily. I might never leave.”

His mouth twitched at the corners. “That might not be so bad.”

Her brow winged. “Oh yea?” While it came as a surprise he was so at ease with the idea it felt right. They were both people that didn’t give up their own independencies easily but that was why it would work. They both understood that and they knew how to live like that. Of course they would actually be able to live without having to be attached to each other. So with that she figured that if they could live in each other’s pockets when forced to, they could live normally.

He stroked his thumb across her cheek. “I didn’t think I’d be back here ever but some things just work out like that.”

She smiled and her heart felt full. More than it had in a long time. “Yeah they do. You know I won’t be easy to live with right?”

Jon laughed. “Uh hello?"

She eased into him and his gaze stayed on hers. "We're the perfect match then." A small part of her was a little sad it had taken her this long in her life to get to this point. It was all her own choice, she never wanted to settle down and it had taken a considerable amount of time before she'd look at a guy after Brian had died.

"Now you've gone all serious."

She ran her fingers through his chest and lightly across his pecks. "I was just being a girl and thinking I'd wish I'd not closed myself off so long from love." Her gaze lifted to his and she smiled. "However I may have never found you then."

"Ha! Touché. Love is not always a bed of roses. I think the older you get you understand it more and how it works." He soothed his hands over her arms and her hips but stopped when she winced.

He tugged the sheet down and his eyes popped. "Please don't tell me I did that."

She glanced down at the angry red marks streaked across her hip where his fingers dug in last night. "Oh yeah. You abused me, I'll have to owe you for that."

He rolled her towards him on her side. "Christ and your back!"

"That's just probably the door. Really it's fine Jon. I'm a tough nut."

"Jesus Christ, sorry Kenz I didn't realize I was that rough."

She put her hands on each side of his neck and shushed him. “Relax--as I said. I'll pay you back. I'm up one raping so just watch your back." She knew that for Jon to have been that out of control to get control was a human instinct that they both would have shared. She also was trained to know when a person was truly acting with intent to harm and Jon just wasn't that person. She would have nailed him to the floor by his balls otherwise.

He forced the smile then settled as she rubbed his neck. "Ok, One raping all yours."

~

He'd never hurt a woman in his life, sure when him and Dot had a bit of a grab and tumble there were some bumps but nothing that compared to the angry red finger marks on her hips and splotches across her back where he rammed her. He wasn't used to being so pent up with frustrated energy he couldn't control like that. It remained true to the whole situation though, he clearly wasn't in any kind of control and who knew how much more he could handle.

If he hadn't found Kenzie and her business would he have gone to the police over all this? What would have happened then? Would he have pissed them off even more than he had now? Hell he was pissing them off for fucking breathing at this point.

"Hey, where did you go?"

He found her warm brown gaze staring back at him. "Sorry, just in my head."

"It must be big and rattle in there. You do that a lot."

He relaxed as her nails raked through his chest hair. "Yeah I do don't I?" He pushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed it taking in her ginger scent like a drug. "Now, I'm going to have pretty pissed party guests since we retired early because of me so I'll have some damage control to do today."

MacKenzie opened her mouth but the shattering of glass outside their door slammed her body into his and he was rolled right off the bed and his face mashed into the floor with the weight of her followed close behind. The door flew open and David stormed in.

"Living room window, get him in the bathroom now!" MacKenzie was hauled off him and David hooked his arms under his and dragged him into his ensuite. His ass hit the cold tiles and his heart pounded in his throat.

"Stay in here and stay down!" He threw Jon the sheet and slammed the door. Jon wrapped himself in the sheet and felt like a rug had just been pulled out under his feet, along with his dignity. He cowered into the shower, the walls were caving in. The reasoning was here but the fear was eating him alive to care. Where was MacKenzie?

He heard shouts between MacKenzie and David and footsteps thunder down the stairs. Christ, was anyone still here? Half of his guests could be passed out in the living room? His head spun and his belly lurched. He leaned over the bowl and emptied the contents of his stomach and slumped back into the corner. Were they going to be killed? The walls were choking him. His throat felt like it was the size of a quarter, he could barely breathe and his chest was tight.

Time was endless. Every second felt like a minute, every heartbeat a lifetime. He was a caged animal that couldn't even fight to find his way out. This is what it had come to.

"MacKenzie!" He huddled in the base of his shower as he couldn't hear any movement outside the door. Christ, what if he shouted and just led whoever the fuck was shooting up his house in here? He sank lower.

What if they killed them and then found him? Oh god. He folded his arms, his skin was like ice. "Kenzie?" He asked in barely a whisper as his voice cracked. He closed his eyes and wished he could open them and he'd be somewhere else, waking from a bad dream in a hotel room or having one of the kids jumping all over him. God anything. What if he never saw them again? His babies? His daughter, would he see her graduate, date? God forbid get married? Jesse make the college football team? The NFL? His belly bottomed out again. Romeo and Jakey--would he ever get to play wrestle Daddy to the ground with them? See them grow up and--

"Jon, I need you to get dressed." The door flew open and jeans, shoes and a top were thrown into the bathroom. Kenzie!

"What's going on? Kenzie! Thank god I-" his eyes dropped to the gun that was tucked into the waistband of her jeans. She was dressed and her hair was back in her no nonsense pony-tail.

"We've got to get out of here. David's on the phone ringing your pilot. We're driving to Teteboro and we're getting on a plane outta here."

His mind was trying to stack the questions he had in some kind of logical order but it all came out scrambled. "Are people OK? Was anyone hurt? Where--" he took a deep breath as she clutched each side of his arms and blew it out.

"Jon I need you to just focus. No one is here except the three of us. We're all ok. A bullet went into your living room and the glass is all over the place. It's safest to get you out of here now. Police are on their way to secure the building but David and I decided we are going now. We'll go down the coast to Jacksonville Florida just until we know what's going on. I've already packed you a go-bag for you if this ever happened. So get dressed and we'll go."

A go-bag? Who the hell was he Bruce Willis? She was deadly calm and she had flipped into bodyguard mode which meant this was bad. Very very bad. "Uh ok...just...my phone."

"Got it all. Don't panic, just get dressed and leave the rest to me. You trust me. So trust me now with everything you've got."

Her eyes were earnest and he nodded. "Ok I'll get dressed."

She wrapped her arms around him tight, kissed him and stood back. "Good. I'll be back in two minutes to get you." She closed the door behind him and he looked up at the tiny window that was the only thing left between him and a world full of danger. He had to trust her because right now he didn't even trust himself to survive this.

Chapter Fifty-Three

MacKenzie's gaze swept the room for Jon buts she could never find him. Come to think of it she hadn't seen him for quite a while. "You ok?" She snapped back to earth and stared into chocolate brown eyes and a very broad grin. "Hey Richie. I'm good. Having a good time?"

He held up the beer bottle and swished the few mouthfuls left it around. "Sure am darling, this was a great idea. We haven't really been all together in a while. Jon's been so busy doing his politics thing and then you coming along and playing Superwoman."

MacKenzie laughed. "It's wonder-woman, there is no super-woman and I'm definitely not her in the first instance."

Richie finished off the beer and propped it on the counter-top. He gave her an appreciate look up and down. "Well you'd look mighty fine in her costume all the same."
Her eyes narrowed and she chuckled. "Just exactly how much have you had to drink?"

He leaned forward, cupped her shoulder and his face fell flat. "Listen, when Jon's paying. You drink. He puts one hell of a party on, trust me. It's these little things you learn quickly."

"Thanks for the tip--speaking of the man of the hour, have you seen him?" Her eyes diverted over Richie's shoulder towards where a couple of people mingled on the smoking balcony but she still couldn't see him. Dammit.

"Aww miss him already?" She should have realized that Richie wasn't in the state for a serious conversation.

She lost her footing when he pulled her in tight and wrapped his arms around her shoulders like a boa-constrictor. "Richie!" He pressed his mouth to her ear and she considered a self-defence twist for a split second but thought otherwise.

"Thank you MacKenzie." He patted her back and stepped back with a grin ten feet wide and eyes that were glassy. He nodded. "You know what for."

Jon always talked about how Richie was always telling him that he needed to look out for himself, and that he didn't use them enough. He never asked. In all this she realized just maybe she'd under estimated how much this affected those around Jon just as much as it had affected him. She managed a small smile. "I don't deserve thanks though, it's far from over." She rubbed the back of her neck as that constant reminder niggled.

"He's got you and that's all I care about. I don't need to tell you it's hard for him to even suggest that he needs some support through this, let alone him actually leaning on someone throughout this whole ordeal. I can't begin to imagine what it's like for you both."

Through the drunken stupor, Richie did what Jon always had told her he did best. He cared. And one thing about Richie was you couldn't help but care back. "Well thanks, I hope you know I care for him deeply." The lump in her throat dissolved. This was an 'if you jump, I jump' situation. Whatever happened happened to both of them.

"Yo Sambora! Get off my woman!" Jon lurched in and protectively swung his arm around her shoulders. "Baby, I need a minute with you." Baby? He never called her baby. His face was pale and he smelled like a distillery. His eyes were red around the rim and hazy.

Richie held his hands up in the air and backed a step. "Don't mind me. She'd kick my ass before I could steal her."

MacKenzie laughed nervously and kept one eye on Jon. He'd had a little to drink but he was, god he was different. A little erratic and it was driving her crazy she couldn't pick up on what the hell was wrong. She wasn’t going to get a chance either as he dragged her into the back hallway, up the stairs to the bedrooms, this way would avoid all the guests.

"Jon, what's going on?"

He hauled her into his room and pushed her up against the door letting it click closed behind her. His body pressed against hers and his lips hovered on her ear. "I need you."

The obvious erection bumped into her thigh made her guess that it was going to be something where clothes were optional. "Are you ok Jon?" A nervous laugh escaped her throat as he dragged his lips across her jaw and then breathed in deeply when he reached her hair. She wasn't used to being on the back foot and even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, her heart still raced when he bit gently on her ear.

"I need you Kenzie."

He barely pulled back but enough that their gazes met, she cupped his chin and tilted it. "Buzzed and horny huh?"

A wicked grin spread wide across his face before he captured her mouth in a long hot kiss. Oh yeah she'd been captured before, perhaps not for real but in role playing for the marines but nothing prepared her for the slow torture of his tongue as it traced her upper lip. She moaned as she let him slide in and her body crumbled into his. His hand came up and cupped her neck and he angled closer. His knee parted her legs and other pinned her to the door. She must have been crazy to ride with it when he was as an unpredictable as live explosives in her hands. Later she was would ask him what the hell happened, but for now she was going to be content with the possibility of being nailed into a wall.

As his lips devoured her neck, her eyes flicked over his shoulder and cleared the window. It was crazy how on edge she was feeling but she knew it was him putting her there with this, whatever the hell this was.

"Kenzie." He murmured into her neck and his hand hiked up her top and cupped her breast.

She thudded from impact as his thumb circled slowly over her nipple, pleasure pumped through her veins. "Oh god." His tongue traced down the long line of her neck and she grabbed a fistful of his hair as he went lower. Her toes tingled as hot breath danced along her breasts, his teeth barely scraping the tip through the thin cotton. He flipped the cups of her bra up and his mouth continued its torture with just mouth to skin. He flicked his tongue around the nipple before dragging it back into his mouth. Her legs buckled and she didn't know how much more she could take let alone support herself.

Her head tipped back as his mouth slid down over her belly, his tongue swirling around her navel. He tugged her jeans half way down her legs and teased the inside of her thighs with his tongue. She reached up both arms and anchored herself around the coat hook. He stepped her out of her jeans and lifted a leg over his shoulder. His nose dragged up her thigh and his tongue found the heart of her. She hissed as he shoved two fingers inside her and continued to circle her lips with the tip of his tongue. If she didn’t break she was certain the door would.

She screamed out his name and her fingers curled tight around the coat hook as she convulsed around him. She fought for breath as she crashed back down to earth. His eyes were up at her filled with desire. She took a deep breath as he rose and tugged her away from the door. He nudged her onto the bed on all fours facing the city. She closed her eyes as his buckle bounced on the hard-wood floor and the bed moved as he crawled up behind her. She braced herself on her elbows and shuddered as his lips traced up her spine.

Not seeing him, just feeling him was going to drive her crazy. He needed to be in control, whether it was to do with this whole situation or not she sensed it. The head of cock slid up and down her wet heat once and she waited for the plunge but it didn't come. His hands slid up under her belly and over her breasts. His cock barely brushed her as he moved it along her while he rolled her nipples under his palms. Her fingers dug into the sheets as she let her body respond to his touch and son of a bitch she was going to cum again. The friction of his cock against her pussy and the sensitivity of her nipples punched a sneaky one through her.

He didn't give her a second to recompose; he slid home, dug his fingers into her hips and pumped her. Her hair was slick around her temples and clung to her neck. He growled in her ear as fire danced through her body. The sweet after-burn was ripped away and replaced with nothing but raw need. "God, Jon!" She cried as their skin slapped and she swore to god she was going to shred these sheets into confetti in a minute.

Sweat poured dripped onto her arms and the only sound in the room was their cries as he spilled deep into her and she let go again. She flopped forward onto her belly and mashed her cheek into the sheets. He rolled her and came up, wound her legs around his middle and entered her again. She panted as his lips inched closer to hers, his eyes fully fixed on the target. The kiss was gentle, as was the roll of his hips. She pushed his hair back and moaned as he arched above her.

She caught the brief flicker of sadness in his eyes before he closed them above her. As they moved together, this time slow, healing whatever it was that he'd let go earlier. Her hand lifted up around his neck and soothed his shoulders. "Look at me Jon." It was barely a whisper as her throat was hoarse.

His eyes opened and this time she saw hope. He smiled and wrapped her completely around him. Her body ached and she'd have bruises tomorrow but the man she loved was back in her arms. The lump in her throat swelled. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you ok?" She blinked and a fat tear rolled down her cheek. If it was even possible, the love she now had for Jon outweighed the love she ever had for Brian. And that scared the fucking shit out of her.

He nodded, "I know. I know Kenz." He kissed her forehead and lifted her leg in his hip a little higher. She gasped as he went deeper but this time it was slow and sensual. They kissed, they smiled, and they came. He rolled them onto their side and they didn't care that they ended lying horizontally across his bed.

"I love you MacKenzie Cooper. I don't know how I managed to get right back here, but I am." He chuckled as their noses bumped.

"We're so messed up aren't we?"

He laughed true and tipped his head back. He pressed his forehead to hers and kissed her again. "In the very best way."

Chapter Fifty-Two

MacKenzie finished the final touches of her lip gloss. She wasn't a girly girl in the first instance but she knew how to clean up pretty well. Tonight Jon was hosting a party at the apartment for a few of his friends and family. It had been her idea as in a way of a pre-thanksgiving party for the adults, to take his mind off the fact that he couldn't have the kids around for him for the holiday.

She'd discussed it with David in private and the situation was just too volatile to risk even a secret secure location to have them all meet and she'd feel awful if something happened, let alone she knew Jon would never forgive himself if it did. It had been a stretch to get David to agree to a party at the apartment, but with the right subtle security they were confident that they could pull it off. She pinned some long silver sliver-earrings into her ears and let her hair tumble loose around her shoulders. She adjusted her casual light peasant style top. It may have been icy outside but Jon liked his house pumped with plenty of heat so it was easy to dress like summer indoors.

She smirked in the mirror, just like something else.

It was no secret she had been enjoying having just the simplicity of someone to hang out with, a little more physically than she had been used to. Jon and her seemed to just fit, she could curl up beside him on the couch while he read or tended his phone, or he would prop his feet up in her lap and while he chilled out. There hadn't really been much chilling but she was working on it. Neither of them was all that good at just chilling. She slipped into boots that gave her a little more height and headed downstairs.

Jon was outside on the balcony smoking. She'd be lying is she hadn't noticed that he had been going through cigarettes faster than usual but she couldn't bring herself to even hassle him. If that was how he dealt with this stress then so be it. She joined him out on the balcony and slipped behind him wrapping her arms around his waist and tucking her chin into his shoulder.

"Everything ok out here?"

He took a deep puff and flicked away the rest of the cigarette and clasped her hands around his middle. "You smell good."

"That wasn't an answer but yeah I do."

He chuckled and turned, used his thumb and tilted her chin and blinked. "Wow. You look...amazing Kenz."

She relaxed her arms up around his shoulders and leaned in as their lips met. "Flattery will get you almost anywhere." She arched her brow. "Maybe even the coat closet during the party?"

Wherever he had been in his head, he came back to her as the blue in his eyes deepened and his smile spread across his face. He kissed her again, her tongue slide down his and her body melted into his. Their bond was strong now, the only problem was that no matter how intimate they got, there was always the gang situation hanging over their heads like a pesky rain cloud that wouldn't go away.

"Mmm that might be a plan." He tucked a strand of hair behind her hair and fingered one of the silver earrings. "Pretty." The sadness in his eyes had bled away but she knew it still lurked inside of him.

"Promise me you'll try and relax tonight?" She asked sliding his hands in hers and standing back against the skyline.

"Of course. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, I've missed--"

"And IIIII will allllllllwaaayyyyyyyys loveeeee youuuuu......" David Bryan burst onto the terrace with his hand on his heart and his arm spread out wide as did his best Whitney Houston impression.

"Oh Jesus...get over here you goof." Jon dropped her hands and met David in a man hug. MacKenzie smiled as they got reacquainted. Part of this night had been also around the decision to tell Jon's inner circle the full story of what was happening with the gang so everyone knew what they were agreeing to coming to his penthouse, and of course the extra security that would be obvious. The band had been briefed and as per usual not surprised that Jon had dealt with this pretty much alone apart from Richie knowing.

They broke apart and David smacked him on the back of the head.

"Hey! What the hell?"

"That was for trying to handle this crap by yourself." He turned to MacKenzie and put on his best smile.

"Now you must be MacKenzie. Richie was right..." He took laughed as he took her hand and kissed it.

"Richie was right about what?" Jon asked rubbed the back of his neck.

"She's hot and totally with the wrong guy." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Fuck off and you're spoken for Lemma." She raised her brow as Jon wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "This is MacKenzie. Kenz, this is David. My biggest pain in the ass."

She laughed and smiled broadly. "Are you sure you're not his pain in the ass, I've lived with you buddy." She elbowed him playfully.

David cackled and pointed to her. "Now you I like. Let me get you a drink and you can tell me all that secret spy stuff you know." He stepped back inside to collect them.

"Are you going to gang up on me with all my friends that arrive?"

"Awe, feeling a little picked on?" She rubbed his shoulder mockingly.

He turned and ran his finger over her lips. "Just you wait." The fire sparked in his eyes.

"Oh I'll be waiting." She dragged her hand down his belly and cupped him gently matching his fire with a smirk. "Now go and have some fun."

He narrowed his eyes and kissed her on the lips. "You are a bad girl, and I like it." He left her out on the balcony staring at the skyline. She needed to relax just as much as he did truth be told. It was hard when somewhere out there, somewhere out in that concrete jungle there was people trying to bring harm to him. She sighed and just hoped that they could get a break-through in the case before someone else got hurt.

~

"Whoa, brother can I get you another one of those?" Matt patted him on the back as he slammed the shot glass down onto the counter.

"Bottoms up."

Tico slid into the bar stool beside him. "Who ya racing to the finish line Jonny?"

Jon took another shot and winced as the whiskey started the slow burn to his belly. "No race. Want one?"

Tico nodded as Matt poured the next round. "I've been watching you from across the room Jon. You don't drink like this. Everything ok?"

He chuckled. Yeah everything was great. He had a girlfriend that used to be his bodyguard, he had gang assholes that wanted something from him for not letting their colors anywhere near the Philly Soul. He was confined to his apartment more or less. Everything was just fucking wonderful. "It is what it is Teek. You know what's happening now."

The party was going great, better that expected. His nearest and dearest were here, smiling away with a sympathetic pat or two while security blocked the perimeter of the apartment from outside. Kenzie meant well, and hell he really thought he could let loose and relax with his friends but the reality was everything always came back to this. Back to why he was being imprisoned watched and targeted.

Tico nodded and tipped back his shot. "Quite a woman you’ve got there." He nodded in Mackenzie’s direction where she was chatting to David and a few others quite comfortably.

He snorted. "I know. Doesn't change that fact I'm a prisoner in my own home." He swung around to Tico. "Can't you just go all Cubano on these sons of bitches and get them the hell off my ass?" The liquor was buzzing through him and his words drawled a little longer than they usually did.

Tico laughed and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. "I'd love to, but not my domain Jonny. You know I would if I thought anyone could help but they don't touch these sorta guys. It's an unsaid thing."

"Story of my life. I didn't fucking do anything wrong." He cupped his next shot and hunched over the bar. He certainly didn't hold his liquor like he used to, hell he didn't usually down a half a bottle of Jack Daniels within an hour either.

"How are the kids? I gotta assume they don't know about all this."

Jon curled his fingers around the glass and the honey-brown liquid blurred. "No they don't. Dorothea does now and she's angry. No kids till its over." He swung back the shot and hissed. "If it is ever over."

"Come on. It'll be over. How long have you been like this?"

Jon looked at one of his oldest friends who always had an uncanny way of just knowing. "I'm fine T. I just am pissed off."

"Pissed off is good. I'd be worried if you weren't pissed off. Are you scared?"

Jon froze and stared past Tico at the wall, his heart hammered in his throat.

"Jon, I'm just worried-"

Jon pulled back his arm before Tico could touch it. "Don't. I need a smoke."

He didn't wait for anyone and pushed himself off the stool and out to the back balcony that he barely used, letting the door flap behind him. It was the fire escape, he could easily jump down the stairs and just disappear. Disappear away from all this shit and be free. He gripped the wrought iron railing, who was he kidding? Run to where? Right into the clutches of these bastards? Fire burned in his gut as the door closed behind him. He didn't need to look to know Tico would have followed him out there.

A heavy hand cupped his shoulder. "Jonny."

He dropped his head and closed his eyes. "I've had too much to drink. I'm fine."

"I hate to ask this but is it safe for you out here?"

It bubbled in his belly and ripped through his throat as he let it go. Like a raged animal he screamed and blinding heat shot through his foot as the he for a moment forgot that his foot wasn’t made out of the same steel that the railing was. "Fuck!"

Tico whirled him around and pushed him against the door, one hand on each shoulder. "Jonny, let it go. Let it go now before you do something fucking stupid elsewhere."

"I'm fine Tico!" He growled and tried to move but Tico's strength kept him nailed to the wall. Fucker had arms as wide as tree trunks.

"Let.It.Go."

He gnawed his lip, fought back the lump in his throat but it was sliding away from him. Just like all his control in the last few months had slipped away. "No. I won't. I can't."

Tico rammed him against the wall. "Yes you fucking can. You're not superman, I know you think you god damn are but you're not. It's OK to be afraid and pissed off.

Jon brought his arms up and gripped his wrists, his forehead connecting with his. "No it's fucking not! Don't you get it, they win... they fucking win Teek." His arms vibrated as he stamped down the fear. "They've already taken my freedom, they're not going to take my kids!"

Glass punched through his lungs and he sank against the wall, sliding down into his knees along with Tico. He didn't say a word, wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and blew his breath as he tipped his head back.

"You're ok."

Jon took a few deep breaths and chuckled. "No I'm fucking not. But thanks." Tico smiled and stood up offering his hand. Jon took it and hoisted himself back up into the world and nodded.

"Smoke?"

Jon took one from him and settled his lungs. Holy Christ. It had come to this, come to the worst possible thing. Not only had he lost control of his kids and his freedom but he'd lost control of himself. And that was bad. Real fucking bad. "I need a minute."

Tico lit his own cigarette and leaned back. "I know."

Jon realized how lucky he was Tico had been around. If he'd lost it in front of Mac, god his family he'd never of forgiven himself. He'd already lost it once in front of MacKenzie and that was ball busting enough.

"You want me to go and see the kids tomorrow?"

Jon raised his brow. "Really?"

Tico flicked his ash over the railing. "Jesus Jonny. They're like my own kids, it's not like it's a chore."

"That'd be great if you could. Just ring Dorothea first and we better tell MacKenzie. Christ. See what I mean. I have to ask three people if I have to shit."

Tico laughed. "It won't be forever Jon and you know it. Just hang in there. And call me-anytime." He rested his hand on his shoulder once more. "I mean that. Anytime."

For a songwriter he was lost for words so he nodded. "Ok." The bond between brothers was unspoken though. Jon didn't use them enough as he should have in the past so maybe it was time to admit that he was out of his depth. Big time.