Va-cay

Hey guys.

If you didn't already know I am in the United States for two weeks, I am here to see Bon Jovi out at the Meadowlands for the shows, and catch up with friends here. It's going to be awesome.

So what this means is that I won't be posting for a couple of weeks! Well definitely not this week, it's going to be crazy. So thank you for understanding but I will be back online very soon! Promise, Mac and Jon will continue soon and I apologize for leaving it in a cliff hanger! Well with very unresolved things, but I will be back!

xxx

Chapter Thirty-Six

There was nothing like having a naked woman wrapped around you like a pretzel, especially after a hard fuck that his body still screamed from. The soft curve of her breast pressed against his bicep and her hair draped over his forearm. The steady breathing in the night had given him a chance to think, his dick to deflate, and his mind to start working again. He’d tried hard not to re-live the fuck-fest that had just happened. Worse than that, he now had confirmation that them together, was lethal.

He should have rolled out of the bed, but the feeling of having someone sleeping next to him again was a strange comfort. Her silky leg hooked over his thigh, her hand rested flat on his belly with the sheet draped down in lame attempt to cover them. He'd tried not to look at her while she slept but he figured he'd already fucked himself of any self-control and inappropriate thoughts. The soft lines around her face were relaxed and worry had melted away.

The worry she had for him.

Being naked with her was a bad idea. It was like a good night out on a few bottles of wine, excellent buzz at the time until the next morning you had to live with the hangover. In this case there was no wine to blame and that's what was scary. All these feelings he couldn't control around her. She'd asked him to wait until this was all over and he'd sworn to himself to not go here as she was him employee. Let's not forget the tiny detail of his life being in danger, and now hers. If these were all cardinal sins, he'd have a condo rent free in hell. Fuck.

Get out of the bed Jon.

His head was still thick with thought and his chest tight with uncertainty but he felt safe. Safe here with her next to him. She murmure and her lips parted causing his cock to twitch. Not now! He groaned when the tip of her nipple beaded against his arm, it would take a fucking army to move him now. He closed his eyes; he could get out of the fucking bed. Hell, he'd left plenty of girls in bed back in the day, so why couldn’t he now? He told himself to get out of bed now, cut the losses with minimal embarrassment so they could concentrate on what they were dealing with. That's what a reasonable man would do instead of complicating things further. He slammed his face it his pillow. "Ugh."

To hell with the reasonable man.

The early dawn crept along the windows slowly melting away the night, he had time.
Time for one more taste. He tipped her chin with the top of his knuckle and pressed his lips against hers. Besides, there was nothing wrong with wanting to savor a moment that shouldn't have happened and felt so good, was there? He shut down his thought as he knew any second sensible Jon would come to his senses. She sighed into his mouth as he took the kiss deeper letting his tongue taste every corner of her mouth. She tasted like morning and sex, and he wanted more. He brought his hands up and framed her face, her eyes fluttered open. Her cheeks flushed pink and he brushed her cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs.

"Morning," he shifted into her, his knee sliding between her legs as he hovered over her. The tip of her nipples scraped against his chest and now, he was a dead man. He took his time letting his lips move over her chin, down her neck and slowly across her shoulder. Creamy skin dotted with freckles led a path down to her perfect breasts. His knee pressed against her naked heat and her breathing hitched, her eyes focused completely on him. He'd tortured himself with the shape of her breasts so long and now, now he was going to take his time and taste. Her hand fisted in his hair as he rolled her nipple between his teeth, and she arched off the mattress.

His fingers trailed down her abdomen, swirling at her belly and dipped down between her thighs. He'd forgotten what it felt like to want, want something so bad that he didn't care if it felt like the world was falling down around him to stop it. And god, it had been a long since he'd not cared, he just needed to not care for another twenty minutes. The tips of his fingers teased her dripping centre and he growled as he slipped inside her. Her head tipped back and his teeth took advantage of her exposed lovely neckline. Her skin was as light as spun sugar under his lips and just as sweet. For a women so athletic, and let's be honest, she could kick his ass. She was still female sexy in every possible way.

His mouth latched to the other nipple as he felt the orgasm roll through her under him. Her chest heaved and she dragged him in close punching up the heat up by several hundred degrees. It made no sense at all to fall so free like this, but he didn't need sense right now, he needed, no-he craved a big orgasm. Her lips were raw and swollen love her from kissing his face off. Her arms coiled up around his neck and her legs hooked over his hips and he barely slid home when he stopped.

"Shit!" He'd forgotten a condom in their rush of lust before. He never forgot, ever.

Her lips curved into a smile, her hair fanned out around the pillows. "It's OK. I'm on something."

He raked his hand through his hair, "I never--" But she took his hand and kissed the tips of his fingers before placing it on her breast.

"Jon, its fine. Really."

He entered her and his eyes rolled back, "fuck." She stretched around him as moved, slow and fluid, milking them to the limit any way he could.

Her nails raked through his chest hair, and he hissed when her thumbs rolled over his nipples. With the sun blaring on his back he dropped his hands on each side of her and watched as his cock slowly moved in and out of her.

Her eyes flickered with lust, and he knew he was close to breaking her. She was much like him in so many ways, she couldn't be out of control for too long. It was dangerous that he was starting to know her, inside her mind and how she thought and every glorious curve of her body. Her heels squeezed into the back of his thighs, and he was tempted to break, tempted to drive her over the edge screaming but he waited. He wasn't a patient man at the best of times, but watching her wriggle under him, feel her skin grow slick under his--was worth it.

His eyes held hers and flicked down to her lips and back to her eyes. His heart rushed in his chest as he saw it, in Technicolor laid out in front of him. He wasn't meant to be in love with her, not because it was wrong. It just didn't make sense. His cock and his heart were sending mixed messages so he had to put distance between them before he drove himself crazy. It scratched at the bottom of his stomach, fuck. He was in love with her. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

His cock drove hard into her and she flung her hands out to bunch the sheets. Sweat beaded his temple as his salty flavor mingled with hers. His jaw clenched as she did around him, his cock throbbed and his body shook uncontrollably as he let go. "Oh god," he collapsed against the pillows and rolled onto his side away from her, his body still jolting with aftershocks. Sunshine and her scent of ginger filled the room, he needed a minute. He needed a minute before he had to clear his head and deal with whatever this was. He closed his eyes and she snuggled in behind him winding her arm around his waist. The warmth of a woman behind him was something he'd not had in a long time and it was strangely comforting. Just for a little while.

~

MacKenzie rolled over, smiled and stretched into the sunlight that was streaming around her. She curled her toes till she heard them pop and sighed, her body felt abused. And boy did it feel good. She was raw all over but she felt relaxed. She knew once she opened her eyes things would change from sated bliss she felt now, and the real life situation outside this bedroom would take over again. But man that was some freaking sex. She peeled her eyes open and blinked, adjusting to the low November sun. She was tangled in cotton and smack in the middle of his generous bed, alone. On some level she expected he'd be gone when she woke, what she wasn't prepared for was the small ache inside her chest that he actually was.

She lay back and blew her hair out of her face wishing she could crawl under the sheet and stay there forever. But no, she had to get up and go back to being his bodyguard and had to get on with what she was here to do. The question was, could they after this? Dammit MacKenzie. "It'll be OK." They both knew the score, it would be OK. She dragged herself up, out of bed, grabbed her clothes and disappeared back into her bedroom. She could hear movement and talking from downstairs. Jon was probably on his phone, he wasn't off it much these days. She chuckled, neither was she.

The shower did little to calm her nerves, why was she nervous? It wasn't one of those awkward one night stands where you snuck out the next morning, as let’s face it, neither of them could sneak out anywhere. She twisted her hair up in a ponytail and zipped her hooded sweat jacket. It wasn't meant to happen like this, first time sex never was though. Wait, first time sex? Getting ahead of yourself there Mac, who says there will be another time? She put her hands on the counter and leaned forward, lord she was a mess. While the sex had untwisted the gut wrenching need she felt every time she was near him, it had tangled her up inside more.

She ached in places she’d forgot about. She lifted the sweater and the angry red buckle mark on her belly winked back at her. This was a bad idea, how could she go and face him downstairs and pretend none of this happened? Maybe he didn't want to pretend either? There was this undeniable attraction between him but she thought it would simmer off after being able to have it out with him and make it bearable. What if she walked into the room and all she wanted to do was jump him?

"Oh god," she clutched her belly. This was ridiculous. She pushed up her sleeves and padded down the stairs, Jon was sitting at the table hammering on his laptop, his phone glued to his ear. She drifted into the kitchen, frowned and dug around for her creamer, he usually had it out for her next to the coffee that was brewing. She picked up her Blackberry while she sipped her coffee and scrolled through the calendar for the day. Jon had a luncheon for the Soul at one, and drinks with sponsors at five in the city. Joy. It a little after eight so there was plenty of time to do some of her paper work, maybe go for a run if Jon wanted to.

She poured herself a bowl fruit and yogurt and took it back into the living room with her coffee. He didn't look up from his screen as he kept talking. Relax, he's just doing business, you know it's like talking to a brick wall when he does. She clicked through her emails and fired off a couple to David and her parents. Her parents knew she was in the middle of a big job so they were used to the limited contact but she still missed them. She speared a piece of apple and watched Jon, he'd showered, and his hair had that wet ruffled look. Much like the look it had this morning when he woke her all hot and delicious. Jesus, the fork clattered against the bowl and Jon looked up at her.

"That's what I said Jerry--" Her heart raced in her ears, her belly should have clenched but his eyes were flat and he didn't smile. Instead, he flicked his gaze back to the laptop. It was clear to MacKenzie then, he wanted to forget it. Just great. She finished her fruit and washed up. She heard him disconnect the call held her breath as he made his way into the kitchen behind her.

He put his cup in the dish-drawer and bumped it shut. "You OK for the luncheon and drinks today?"

She nodded, "yeah I just checked my calendar---is the luncheon formal?"

He washed his hands and dried them on the dish towel and nodded, "yeah. I'm wearing a suit, no tie though. So a dress will be fine, and the driver is picking us up from the lobby at twelve-thirty."

The image of a crisp white shirt popped open at the top made her swallow. "OK, sounds good to me." God, he would not look at her. She didn't know whether to be hurt or fucking angry. He was being ridiculous. He was being Jon.

He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "I'm going to go for a run."

"OK, I'll get changed into my runners and we can go--"

"On the treadmill upstairs." He turned and left her in alone in the kitchen, she had a right mind to run after him and grab him. God knows if she would end up slapping him or fucking him. Everything evidently, was now fucked up. She rubbed her chest and took a deep breath; she had to pull herself together. She had a job to do, and he just made very clear to her that's all he was interested in discussing.

Just wonderful.

Chapter Thirty-Five

MacKenzie was trained to move faster than a fox, she could shoot a weapon that had kickback as strong as a mild electric shock. She knew the best way to talk herself out of a bad situation, and she could make snap decisions when her life depended on it. But none of this had prepared her for the decision that stood in front of her now. Her chest felt heavy as she stared into eyes that promised her more pleasure than she'd ever felt before.

She closed her eyes, her fingers curling over his shoulders reflexively. She wanted him for so long. He dragged her off the counter-top, the kiss hungry as they slammed into the pantry. She dug into the notches of his hips, denim and leather cutting into her fingers. She wanted skin, wanted to feel him hot and hard in her hands.

His eyes flashed with surprise, but the smirk was quick and wicked as he backed her out of the kitchen. She stumbled a little, saving herself with a hand to his chest, reassured that his heartbeat was just as unsteady as hers. A live volcano had nothing on the weeks of wanting that had been building between them. She just wasn't sure if it was the lava or the aftermath of the ash that would kill her. She'd never felt this hot, this out of control about a man--not even Brian. Her hands smoothed down firm pecs and over his belly, hovering above the buckle. There would be no going back after this. He tipped her chin up and his eyes searched hers. "Kenz--"

She shushed him, her finger on his lips. He pulled her hand away, but instead of dropping it to her side, he scraped his teeth over her thumb. Blood rushed in her veins leaving her body thrumming. How was she supposed to think when his stare could melt the skin right off her bones? All she could think about was ripping his clothes off him, getting him inside her until the ache went away--until she could breathe again. It felt like she'd been suffocated by this lust for so long. She palmed his cheek. His eyes were so dark, so focused on her. He wanted her, there was no denying that. Hell, there was no way for either of them to deny it at this point. "Take me to your room."She lost her footing as he swept her up in his arms. Gripping his shoulder with one hand and fisting his hair with the other, she dragged his mouth down to hers. She wasn't the fairytale type of girl, but right now anything that got them naked faster...She was all for it.

Night blanketed the skyline leaving lights to twinkle above the bands of red that slowly blended into inky blue. The back of her shoulders hit the mattress and he crawled up over her, his chin bumping along the top of her breasts. She arched into him, his hair sifting through her fingers as he grazed his lips down the line of her neck.

She didn't want the slow seduction. Her body quivered as his mouth sent her senses into a panic. She needed more skin, wanted to feel the crisp hairs of his chest against her nipples. She yanked the shoulder of his shirt. "Off," she growled. His teeth nipped over her chin, the rasp of his tongue driving her up and off the bed. "Off," she demanded, as the shirt ripped away to show a freckled shoulder.

He knelt above her, his chest silhouetted against the city lights. His nipples were tight, were they always on the ready? What would they feel like under her tongue? His knees pinned her hips and he pushed her tee-shirt up, and flipped the cups of her bra up. She clawed his shoulder as he drew her nipple into his mouth--Sweet baby Jesus. Teeth scraped across flesh as madness consumed them. He sucked deeper, heels dug into the mattress.

His nose bumped against her ribs as his mouth scraped down, biting, sucking every bit of flesh he could find. His fingers dug into her waist and she groaned as his tongue swirled around her belly. Lust had never felt so good. She grabbed his mouth and dragged it to hers, she was two seconds away from losing all control. She never lost it under a man and it was unnerving, but exciting all the same.

She arched back as his mouth chased skin, slick with his kisses back up to hers. She needed friction, something to ease the ache that burned through her body. Her breath hitched as he hovered over her, millimetres from her lips. She sighed as he lowered his mouth to her earlobe. He bit down and cupped her breast, letting his thumb scrape over the tip.

She lifted her knee around his waist and his erection pressed against her centre. Desperate for something more than friction, she rocked against him and he groaned against his mouth. Teeth clicked as she rolled him, and dipped down to the centre of his throat. The tip of her tongue traced around to tanned shoulders and her teeth branded him.

MacKenzie gasped as her nipples grazed over the soft hairs of his chest, she took one of his swiftly against the flat of her tongue. His chest rumbled against her mouth as she curled her tongue around the tip. His fingers tangled into her hair and he came up off the bed. She plunged backward, not realizing he'd flipped her back in a quick motion. He fumbled with the buttons on her jeans and yanked them open and jammed his fingers inside her. She jerked and pleasure registered as she wound her arms around his neck.

She was almost there as his clever thumb flicked her clit. She curled her toes so tight they could cut through glass. If the raw heat that was constantly between them resulted in tearing each other apart, she wanted it. His tongue along hers matched the strokes of his fingers, and her throat was hoarse. She yanked his buckle, his heavy erection pressing against her thigh. She needed her hands on him and all that hard hot male on top of her. Fingers twisted in denim and leather and she found him, hot and silky in her hands.

The thought of him inside her filling and stretching her had her head in a spin until she couldn't stand it. She needed the real thing. Her jeans were barely down to her knees when he entered her. She slapped her hand across the back of his shoulders as the blunt edge of his buckle dug into her belly. His chest was heavy against hers, her nipples pricking into the downy fur on his pecs. Her hands gripped arms made of steel, there was nothing like a strong man holding you to ransom.

She closed like a glove around him, and her nails dug into his shoulders as she needed something to keep her steady while the tension rolled through her. "Jesus Jon," she gasped biting her lip as the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room. Between her breasts, she was slick with sweat as he drove into her with a burst of short, swift pumps. Each one more deep than the first. Her body shuddered and her thighs tightened, she was seconds from falling apart. He slammed back and forward, grunting and groaning as his head tipped back.

She nipped up his neck, over his chin and flooded his mouth with hers. Her body was sizzling, one thrust after the other. He hovered over her, hooked her legs up over his shoulder, changing the angle. She tightened around the short rasps of his cock, winding her fingers in his hair. The pants and sobs simmered between them until she thought she was going to burst. Jon pressed his forehead against hers and cupped her face, his jaw clenched and he growled as she felt him let go, tipping her over the edge.

The orgasm railed her to the bed thumping the bed head against the wall. She cried out and her mouth was covered by his. His hot seed spilled deep inside her, flooding the sheets but she didn't care. She was wrecked beyond repair. She jolted as his hand shifted between her thighs, and his thumb hooked over her hood flicking her.Her toes dug into the mattress and her body flew off the bed.

His lips found hers and then her breasts, as he sucked each one hard. The popping sounds were deliciously dirty as she shivered from top to bottom. Her nails clawed his hips, trying to drag him closer, get him to move, but he stilled. The assault on her clit was undeniably going to kill her. He tunnelled into her, his eyes bright with lust and his voice raspy with sex. She needed to feel him cum again, needed to feel him throb inside her. It bolted through her, and then through him, collapsing them both in a pile of tangled limbs. Sweat poured down her cheeks, the room was humid and reeked of sex. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart pound in her ears as her body settled. Unfuckingbelievable.

She sighed and rolled into his shoulder, hooking her leg over his. The sweat started to cool, and her eyes grew heavy. She wanted to say more, and she wanted to tell him how amazing it was but words failed her and sleepy contentment won.

The night stilled around them, and the only thing she felt was the gentle pulse under her palm which soothed her into sleep.

Chapter Thirty-Four

*thanks Joelle for the picture! Perfect for this one.*

Jon’s knuckles were white by the time MacKenzie pulled into the underground parking in his apartment complex in Soho. He couldn’t sit still and the heat was burning up his neck. He jammed the packet of cigarettes’ in his jeans and closed the door waiting for her to lead the way. He wished more than anything that he was going into his apartment alone, he was used to being alone. Even when he was with Dorothea he was still alone more often than not. He shoved his hands in his pockets and followed her into the elevator, MacKenzie. This woman, had turned his life upside down and taken away his ability to deal with shit alone, and now it ached inside his bones, to be alone right now.

Why him? Why did this gang seem so fucking intent on destroying his life? Every time he thought about Romeo missing, his lungs constricted. And now, clamped inside four walls of steel, his chest grew tight. He rubbed his chest as the elevator chimed on the first floor. He glanced at Mackenzie, her arms folded across the snug dark turtleneck. He hadn’t even noticed her hair was loosely spilled around her shoulders until now--now that the blind panic had started to dissolve.

“I’m starving.” She smiled dangling the bags of Yan’s takeout from her hands.

His belly was in a thousand knots and his head was so foggy he sure as fuck couldn’t think about eating right now. He couldn’t even tease her about stealing most of the shrimp like she always did. He never minded, but loved teasing the holy hell out of her for doing it.

What was this? This thing between them? For a song-writer that could put everything into words and cut through emotion, he was lost when it came to her. Part of him wondered if it was the company of having her around, he’d got used to having no one around. He wasn’t used to something being easy and fitting into his life, the way she had. He didn’t trust something that he didn’t have to work for.

He unlocked the door and let her go first, disappearing into the kitchen. His more than spacious apartment was now suffocating. He dropped his keys and phone into the ceramic bowl and shrugged off his jacket. Christ, he didn’t even know where to put himself. He dug for his cigarettes and slipped out to the balcony. He needed some space to get his head in check, from this, from her—from god. He gripped the raining, thankful that his only company was the quiet him of the Soho streets below.

He’d dealt with situations that had high stakes before and he always found a way to deal with them, or he got someone to do something about it for him. That’s how he operated, but this? God, this rankled him to his bones. He trusted MacKenzie to do her job, but now there was only so much she could do if they wanted him. They’d find a way, he could lock himself in his apartment all day, but hell. That’s so not how he operated. He fixed things.

This he couldn’t fix.

He rubbed his chest absently as Dot’s words rang through his head. She had every given right to protect their kids, but this was killing him. What if something had happened to Romeo? God, he would never forgive himself. How would he even have justified that to Dot? He shakily lit a cigarette and took a deep suck of it, praying that the nicotine gods could calm him down. If not, he’d be moving on to Jack Daniels.

Everything he had worked for all his life could have shattered in an instant tonight. Not only did that scare him shitless, he didn’t like that he didn’t have the control to not let that happen. Fuck.

What had he done wrong? He’d said no to a kid that was tied up in the gangs. It wasn’t as if he’d robbed a convent for fuck’s sake. He had done what any man would do to protect his business and franchise. The ironic thing was he’d done it to avoid any trouble when in reality it had done the exact opposite.

He leaned against the railing and took a deep breath, his arms hadn’t stopped shaking and his nerves were fraying. “Pull yourself together.” He was good at compartmentalizing shit to make sense but this just kept bleeding all over him. He crouched down, his lungs were heavy and his head was pounding. No matter how hard he tried to get it out of his head, the panic of when he thought Romeo was missing kept pumping through him.

“I’m so sorry.” He blinked away a tear and shook his head. This is what they’d reduced him to, he didn’t live in fear—he thrived on it. But not when it had his family at stake. He didn’t hear the slider to the balcony open, so when he looked up, his heart raced.

“Want a hand up?” She held her hand out to him. He blinked away the emotion and nodded, she helped him up back onto footing. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“I’m fine. Just a long day.”

She nodded and leaned against the guard railing and looked out to the city. “Jon, don’t be hard on yourself about what happened today. I know you will, because you love those kids like crazy.”

He scuffed his shoe and took another puff of his cigarette. “I’m their father. It’s my responsibility to make sure they‘re safe.

“That’s what you did Jon. You trusted me to do it and I did—nothing has happened to them and of course I can’t promise it won’t. But I can promise you this.” She turned and leaned back against the railing. “I’ll put my life on the line to prevent it. That’s what you hired me for.”

The thought still rankled with him that she would give her life for him. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what her job description was, but if it actually happened...He didn’t know if he could deal with that. Not now.

“When I thought he was missing-- “ He cut himself off as the band around his chest constricted again.

She walked forward and rested her hand on his arm. “I know. He’s not though. He’s safe—you can’t dwell on it. Or you’ll make yourself crazier than you already are.”
Vulnerability wasn’t something Jon showed lightly, let alone someone he had some sort of feelings for. “I’m scared Kenzie.” He looked up and met her eyes. She moved her hands and cupped his cheeks.

“Listen to me Jon. This is not your fault, ok?”

He closed his eyes and took comfort in the simple touch. “They didn’t deserve any of this.”

Her thumbs grazed his cheeks lightly. “Jon, look at me. This is not your fault.”
Her eyes were warm, earnest, and her hair fluttered around her shoulders as the night breeze settled in. He’d bared himself and it unsettled him, but she showed no awkwardness in it. He’d doubted in any of the years of marriage he’d bared himself to Dorothea like this, and right now he didn’t want to try to understand what that meant.

“Thank you.”

“Jon, you’re a good man. A fantastic father, but this is a tough situation. The toughest. So don’t beat yourself up about it —and we’ll be extra careful from now on,. I promise. No matter if they know who I am or not---I’ll stay with you and make sure nothing happens to you. Ok?”

He nodded. “Okay.” She dropped her hands and went to turn to go back inside but he held out his hand on her shoulder. “Wait.” He tugged her in and snaked his arms around her shoulders drawing on the spicy scent of ginger and Kenz. He buried his nose into her hair and sighed. She smoothed her hands down his back until he let go.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Jon. Now I’ve got wine and Chinese in there...how about we zone out on the couch for a bit? Decompress.”

He chuckled and stubbed his butt out in the can on the ground. “Sounds like exactly what I need to do.” He took a deep breath and followed her back into the apartment. Wine is exactly what he needed, a couple of glasses to settle his nerves and he’d be golden.

~

MacKenzie needed a minute as she slipped into the kitchen and arranged the Chinese Boxes on the tray. She ached for him, seeing someone as strong as him starting to crumble under the pressure. He had no control over their situation and it had to be killing him. She didn’t blame Dorothea for her mama bear act, but she could have used a little more tact. Jon loved those kids as much as she did.

She carefully balanced everything and carried it back into the living room, where Jon had popped open a bottle of Pinot. She settled herself next to him and took the glass when he offered it to her. He made a lame attempt to dig into his noodles carton. “You’re gonna have to try better than that Jon.”

She reached for the shrimp and offered it to him. “Go on. You know you want to.” It was unnerving to see him with no oomph. Like any man she knew, he internalized his angst and he probably felt weird to have let his guard down in front of her like that.

“Hell, the shrimp? Really?” He speared a piece with his sticks and popped it in his mouth. “When Brian died, did you feel out of control?”

She picked up her wine and took a healthy sip. Jesus Christ. “Yes, of course I did. It was a little different since I was so young. I didn’t know what control really was until I went into the marines. But if you’re asking me did I feel like I’d done something wrong, when really I hadn’t? Yes. I raked myself over hot coals for months over it.”She blew out her breath, he’d been vulnerable with her and she trusted him enough to be with him.

“I can’t imagine losing someone I loved that young.”

“Yeah, it is the worst thing I’ve ever been through.” She smiled, “I often wonder what our life would’ve been like if he was still around.”

Jon leaned forward for the chicken. “He’d probably be on my team.”

She laughed. “And you’d be damn lucky to have him. God, when he threw long, it was just incredible. I miss the game too.”

“You don’t watch anymore?”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t.” She shrugged, and fished around the bottom of her rice box. Football was the central part of our relationship, so I avoided it.”

“I understand that, but it’s been years right? You’re missing out on so much.”

“This coming from the guy that owns the team. I know, Jon. I want to go back to the game, but there’s never been a right time.” Well until I came and worked for you.. She held up her hand. “Anyway, enough of the deep and meaningful tonight.” She knew he wanted to relate to something similar, but she wasn’t ready to dig deep into Brian-land. Not tonight.

“Damn, I forgot the napkins.” She got up and excused herself to the kitchen and took a moment to gather her thoughts. So much was at stake now--his family, him, and now even possibly her life. She’d dealt with this all before and succeeded, she’d just never been in love with the guy when she did.

She fussed around with the empties to give herself a few moments and she knew that she had to be strong for him. Her role as the protector was to keep strong and give him the confidence that she had this under control-now more than ever.

She found hair elastic on the shelf that was probably one of Steph’s and swept her hair back in a ponytail. She could do this. She grabbed a bunch of napkins and turned to go back into the living area, but he blocked the doorway. “Got them.” She held up the napkins.

“Yeah, I was just coming to get some chilli sauce.” He came forward and reached behind her where the sauce was sitting on the countertop. Their eyes met and her pulse quickened as he hovered in front of her. The air between them crackled as her eyes fell to his lips.

In a moment the napkins dropped, the bottle ricocheted to the floor, and his hands shot into her hair. The kiss was hot, furious and melted away tension leaving her breathless as he jammed her back into the countertop. He tipped her chin and angled the kiss deeper, letting his tongue slide against hers. China clattered as he lifted her up onto the edge of the counter and she moaned as he cupped her breast.

She lifted her head as his mouth scraped down her neck, and she wound her legs around his waist. Her heart raced and her hands were desperate to find skin, even if she had to rip the shirt right off his body. The axis had shifted, tipping them off the edge of sanity.

He traced the pad of his thumb over her lips, and for a moment the air fell still. His eyes fell to her lips and darted back up to hers. Her nipple ached under his palm, and she swallowed a groan as his other hand traced up her inner thigh.

“I’m going to bed. The question is,” he drew a lazy circle at the top of her thigh and looked back up at her. “Are you coming too?”

Chapter Thirty-Three

MacKenzie parked the car and pulled on her jacket as she stepped out of the car. She tied her hair back in a loose ponytail and slipped her Blackberry and keys into her jeans as Jon came up to meet her. She held out her hand for him but he looked at her hand and paused before he took it. God, dumb move Mac.

“You ok?”

He nodded and raked his free hand through his hair. “Yeah...helluva scare that’s all, and Dot’s pissed at me.”

“It’s ok—we’ll talk to her. Everyone is safe, let’s remember that here first and foremost.” She followed Jon up under the arching trees to the entrance to the house. Dot had a right to be angry, these were her children, but MacKenzie was confident she could show her why they'd kept it from them.

“I don’t know what’s safe anymore, MacKenzie.” He let her hand go as they walked into the foyer, and she felt her stomach bottom out. She smiled as he held the door open, but he didn’t smile back. Clearly he was feeling some strain in the situation, and she was the professional here, so she had to put it right for them.

“Dorothea, nice to see you again.” MacKenzie held out her hand, but Dot just stood there with her arms crossed. Yep, she’s pissed. She dropped her hand, and squared her shoulders, holding her head high.

“I think we need to sit down, and you can tell me what’s going on. All of it.”

“Dot—“ Jon tried to interrupt, but MacKenzie nodded.

“Sure, not a problem at all.” They all sat down in the parlor. Jon sat next to her on the couch and Dot in the chair opposite. The housekeeper brought in a tray of coffee leaving it just as noiselessly as her rubber soled shoes that squelched on the polished floors.

Dot leaned forward and poured the coffee. “Creamer? It’s Non-fat, as requested,” she said shortly.

MacKenzie raised a brow and nodded. “Sure, thanks.” She glanced at Jon, his head was down as he fiddled with his watch strap. She was worried about him. He’d seemed a little off balance since she arrived. The incident with Romeo going missing had to have scattered him, those kids meant everything to him.

“Now, tell me about what’s been happening.”

Well I want to sleep with your ex-husband. MacKenzie took a deep breath and took a sip of coffee, wishing it was something stronger all of a sudden. “Well, once Jon hired me I organized the necessary surveillance around him, his family and the children. I covered all bases.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Dot snapped as she flicked her ponytail back over her shoulder. Oh lord.

“I wasn’t, I’m explaining to you that’s what I did---it’s what I do as part of my process. I create a circle of surveillance around my client’s lives.”

“So that involves not telling those closest to Jon that their lives could be in danger?” Dot’s eyes fixed on hers. Mac wasn’t afraid of her, she’d faced much worse interrogations but she wanted to be tactful, as a wrong move here could have consequences for Jon.

Jon cleared his throat, “Dot—I made the decision first. I didn’t want to involve you guys. This was my problem, not my kids.”

Dot chuckled, “stupid man, they are involved. Whether you like it or not. You just did what you always did Jon. Used your high-handed tactics without consulting with those around you. So why should I be shocked?”

“I did this thinking of you and the kids."

"Yes, your way Jon. Without consultation to the rest of us."

Oh boy, this was going to be an all out war in a minute if she didn’t take control.

“Ok, look—yes Jon didn’t want you involved and I agreed with it. His foremost concern was his family's safety. The disruption to your lives, would have been too obvious, always looking over your shoulder to see if they’re around. I didn’t agree with Jon, I would have veto’d. This is my operation, not his.”

Dot dropped her hands to her thighs. “So when did you let her become in charge of what is right for our children?”

Jon raked his hand through his hair, “Dottie, I couldn’t say no to her. Part of my commitment to her taking on the job was agreement to trust her.”

MacKenzie reached out and took his hand without even thinking. “Which he didn’t do easily, believe me.” Jon’s eyes widened so she quickly pulled it away, dammit. She hated the unease that had suddenly grown between them.

“So, I see.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jon snapped.

Dot leaned over and refilled her coffee. “It means I can see exactly what’s going on here.”

MacKenzie sipped her coffee again. Man, tough crowd. “Dot, I stand by this decision. If you knew you were being followed, we would have been compromised.”

“How can you possibly justify that, MacKenzie? Putting four children’s lives at risk? I’m not accepting that for a second, even if my dear ex-husband did.”

“Oh hang on a minute." Jon lurched up off the couch and paced behind it. "I never knowingly put them at risk--I knew what she was doing, Dot. I’m not stupid. I don’t just let people do things without being fully informed. You know this.”

MacKenzie closed her eyes. Holy Jesus. “Ok, look Dot—I’ve had a lot of experience with these people. We had to be discrete, especially with Jon’s public profile.” She leaned forward and placed her mug on the table carefully. Some of her hardcore training seemed easier than this moment.

“It’s not just about Jon. What if someone had grabbed one of them when I wasn’t around and your super security couldn’t get to them fast enough? What would you have said to me then?”

MacKenzie smoothed her hands down her legs. “Dot, this was never going to be an easy situation. Hell, it hasn’t been for Jon from the very beginning. His whole life has had to change. We’ve seen no evidence that they are interested in his family. I’ve had daily check ins and I’ve got the best people I know working on this.”

“I’m really angry, Jon." Jon dug his hands into his pockets and stood still.

The silence in the room hung thick like a fog, MacKenzie wondered what had made this marriage end. She had no idea about his past life here, just who he was now. God, what really did she know about him? Jon was a thinker, he was never one to have long talks about life and what he was feeling. MacKenzie suspected that he lived his whole life like this, from the early days in the band---making all the decisions and living with the mistakes. Agonizing the stress of it all on himself, and not let anyone else deal with what he was dealing with.

Which is why this all made sense. Surely Dot knew this after living with him for so long. Maybe she did, and that’s what she could never accept about him. That’s just who Jon is and he would never change.

“Dot. I’m sorry but I only ever had your interests at heart, you must know that.”
She pursed her lips and nodded, “so if this is all under-cover once it all over, I assume MacKenzie will disappear out of your life?”

MacKenzie felt like the air in her lungs was being sucked out, Jon was staring out the window of the parlor to the expansive yard they had and he said nothing. MacKenzie rolled her lip over her teeth, god she hated when she didn’t have an answer. She should have said yes, that’s right—but she didn’t want Jon to think she wanted to leave him. And this was so not a conversation to be had in front of his ex-wife.

“I’m asking because the kids will be confused, they like her,” Dot continued.

Jon turned around, “we don’t know what will be happening at the moment. MacKenzie is still investigating whether our cover is officially blown, right?” The flick of warmth in his eyes gave her small hope, as let’s face it. There wasn’t much to hold onto now. And his kids liked her? God, her heart was been thrown in all kinds of directions.

She nodded, “right. We’re still trying to track who attacked me.”

Dot’s gaze flicked down to her arm where the angry red mark was fading into purple. She straightened her collar and her cuffs. “Right, well. I appreciate MacKenzie you telling me the truth. But I want to make this clear, you are to tell me everything from now on what goes on with this.”

MacKenzie nodded, “of course. I don’t see that as a problem.”

Dot stood up and faced Jon, “secondly I think its best if you and MacKenzie stay away from the kids until this is all over. Once and for all.”

MacKenzie felt the stab in the guts, where Jon would have felt it. His kids meant the world to him, part of her knew that his uneasiness in this whole thing was because he was being denied having a normal relationship with them. But now, none? It was going to kill him.

“C’mon Dot---I.” He sighed and swallowed hard. “What will you tell them?”

“I’ll tell them what I always tell them Jon, you love them but you’re away travelling with Obama stomps commitments but you’ll be back soon. It’s not news to them their Father is away a lot.”

Jon rolled back on his heels. “Can I call them? Text them?”

Dot crossed her arms, “what if they are tracing all those calls?”

Pain creased his face, MacKenzie knew he had no option but to accept the deal.

“Ok. Fine. I’m going to see them now though.”

He was half way across the room before she nodded, leaving her alone with Dot.

“How serious is it?” MacKenzie was surprised to see the concern in her eyes.

“Pretty serious but we’re doing our best to keep a tight lid on the situation.”

“Which includes getting yourself beat up for him?”

“All part of the job Dorothea, I can handle it.” The job was the easy part, handling her feelings for Jon was not.

“Well just be careful. He’s still the father of my kids, not matter how stubborn and bone-headed he can be at times.” The small smile was one of approval, as much as Dot didn’t like the situation MacKenzie knew she at least had reached middle ground with her.

“I will Dot.” MacKenzie showed herself out and decided to wait for Jon in the car, she pulled out her Blackberry and sent a message to David to review and double check that all family security was tight. The door popped open on the passenger side and he climbed in. He dug his cigarettes out of his pocket.

“Mind?”

She buckled herself in and shook her head. “No, go right ahead.” He didn’t meet her gaze, instead he stared out the window the entire way back to the city. The tension between them was a whole new level. She was so confused, and he was hurting. But he was silent, and that’s what killed her.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Daddyyyyyy,” the waking of the dead shrilled down the hallway as a boisterous four year old connected with leg.

Jon ruffled the sunny cap of hair on his youngest son’s head and scooped down to pick him up, “hey buddy!” He smiled at Chloe, who shut the door the door behind him.

“Now what’s going on?” Romeo hid his face into his shoulder and shook his head.

“What did you do?”

Jon looked and smiled as Dot came into the hallway. “Hey,” he said walking towards her.

“Thanks Jon for coming over to watch them for a couple of hours, Romeo just wouldn’t accept that Chloe would watch them. He wanted you.”

Jon smiled. “It’s ok, you know I can watch them whenever you need me to and I can, I know I haven’t been around as much of late.”

Dot fished her keys from inside her purse. “No doubt your new girlfriend has been keeping you busy.”

Jon raised his eyebrow, “well yes and no.” He could still smell her ginger scented sex on his damn fingers and feel her half naked body writhing beneath him. Fuck.
“It’s ok Jon, she seems nice and the kids liked her.”

Jon hoisted Romeo down and took his hand, “it’s complicated at the moment.”
Dot laughed, “With you it’s always complicated.”

He felt guilty, Dorothea deserved to know what was going on and he was in clear violation of the trust that they’d both set up when they separated. He was protecting his family and he stood by his decision to have not told them at the beginning of all this, but now... he wasn’t so sure.

“Romeo, why don’t you go and find Chloe, ask her if she has any of those cookies we love and I’ll come and play with you guys soon, while Mom’s out, k?”

Romeo swung on the end of Jon’s hand and giggled, “Ok Daddy.” The loud splitting shriek and stampede of feet left him and Dot alone.

“I need to talk to you Dot.”

She raised a brow, “ok, outside?”

Jon followed her outside and took a smoke when she offered, he lit them both and took a deep draw. “I haven’t been honest with you.”

“Oh?”

She had the right to know, especially now when he had to rely on the security around the house and his family. “MacKenzie is not my girlfriend, well...kind of.” He scuffed his boot against the edge of the cobblestones.

“Kind of?” Dot pushed her glasses up her nose and flicked her cigarette. “What’s going on Jon?” He deserved the tone she fired at him too.

“A little while ago, I was nearly hit by a car outside Rich’s studio—on purpose.”

She stood from the step, “what?”

He cringed, “I was fine, it just turned out that my rejection to allowing a young boy that had gang connections into the Soul, has backfired and now they’re trying to prove something to me. We’re just not sure what.”

“God Jon, so who is she?”

“She’s my bodyguard. I hired her as a Personal investigator and it turned out she did Personal Security, I needed something discrete and I wasn’t about to have an entourage of people following me around. Christ Dottie, you know I hate that shit. I had to have something for all these Obama stomps I’ve been doing.”

“She’s protecting you? What about us Jon? Ever thought you might need to mention to me that oh, you’re being stalked by some bad guys and I should consider some security for the kids? Or once again you were being too selfish.”

“Dot, wait—I have got security for you guys. You just don’t know it.”
He saw the flash of temper, one he’d known well at the end of their marriage. “You have people following us and you didn’t even think to tell me? Jesus Jon, how could you do that to me? What if I had noticed and called the police that some weird people were following us?”

He raked his hand through his hair, he’d fucked up here. He had no excuse, he should have told her. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to freak you out or the kids. Honestly.”

“Have there been any more incidents?”

He blew out a breath, “yes—a few. I’ll tell you if you want me to.”

“Damn right you will be.” She crossed her arms and she could have stared through steel as he talked her through the beach house, the drugging incident and the latest attack on MacKenzie. “I can’t fucking believe this. After everything we’ve been through.”

“Dot, I’m sorry. I’m fucked this up in more ways than one. Believe me but I’m truly sorry. You know I’d never hurt you guys. I did it to not have to disrupt your lives.”
“So all time. MacKenzie has just been pretending to be your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, sort of. As I said, it’s complicated.”

Dot snickered, “oh I’m sure it is.”

“It’s not like that—we’ve not---we’re attracted to each other but she’s tried to keep it all business. If anyone has pushed it, it’s me. You don’t need to hear about it.”

“No I don’t, I don’t care much for your bedroom antics these days—what I do care about is when fucked up arrangements interfere with my children’s lives. What if something had happened to one of them?”

“Fuck, Dottie please believe me that’s the last thing I ever wanted. They mean everything to me—you included.” He took her hand, “honestly I thought I was doing the right thing.” He rubbed his temples, it wasn't the right thing and he knew it. He could have kicked himself for letting it get to this point, he had in under control, well at least he thought he did. The gang thing was his mistake, his problem--he was dealing with it. Why should they have been affected too?

“I’m not happy Jon-“ She stopped when Chloe came out to meet them.

“Sorry guys, I just was looking for Romeo. I thought he might be out here with you both.”

“I told him to go and find you?”

“Nope, not with me---I’ve just searched the entire house.”

Jon whipped his head around to Dot’s and they both took off into the house. He felt his face lose all color as the snakes coiled in his belly. “Romeo!” He dashed up the grand staircase taking two at a time while Dot raced through the hallways on the lower level. Kids disappear all the time. Especially Romeo, he was a little monkey. But with everything that had been going on, Jon didn’t trust this one instinct at all.

“Romeo!” He flung open the guest room wardrobes, he didn’t stop and think he was invading Dot’s privacy.

“Dad!” He spun around to see his teenage daughter standing there in her jeans and a red tee-shirt.

“Stephy,” he tugged her in for a hug, damn he’d missed them all so much.

“Dad, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t find your brother, Romeo—have you seen him?”

“He was coming to find you guys...you took too long for the cookies.”

“Oh god,” Jon bolted out of the room and down the stairs, please god not his kids, not his kids. “Dorothea!”

She came flying out of a room, her eyes wide. “He’s not here.” She held up a lonely Bata-bullet.

He clutched his chest. “Ok, stay here---get the kids and stay in the same room together, I’ll call the police.

“Jon—he’s my baby----“

He grabbed her shoulders, “I know...just get the kids and stay here.”

“Mom, Dad, what’s going on?” Steph walked slowly down the staircase.

“Just stay with your mom, I’m going to find your brother. Get the other two boys.” He ran back outside, his hand firmly on his stomach, bent over and emptied the contents of it. This could not be happening, his worst fear out of anything. He took out his iPhone and hovered his thumb over Mackenzie’s name. Things were so awkward but he had no idea what to fucking do—who to fucking call. He closed his eyes and pressed call as he started to walk the grounds, looking for any sign of his son.

“Jon, hey? All done already?”

“MacKenzie—its Romeo he’s gone missing---I’m outside, the kids are inside. I don’t know who to call, he was here one minute and the next he was gone.” Like vomit he spewed it out, hoping to make some sense.

“Ok, Ok---I’ll rein the guys around your place in. We can call the cops, are you sure that he’s not just hiding. That was a big ass place Jon.”

“No he’s not—Kenz. Please---I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t Jon. Just calm down. We’ll sort it out, I’m coming back over now and I’ll call the guys in. I promise, we’ll find him.”

He took a breath and disconnected the call. “Romeo?” He leaned against a tree and grated his hand against the bark. This was a cluster fuck of epic proportions. He would never, never forgive himself if one of them got hurt over all this.

“Daddy?”

Jon whirled around saw a little boy peek around from behind the bushes. “Romeo!” He leapt over the lawn and scooped him up. “What were you doing in there buddy?” He held him tight, burying his face into the familiar scent of baby-cotton smell.

“Daddyyy, tight.”

Jon chuckled, the relief almost blinding him. He loosened his grip and started to
walk back to the house. “What were you doing? We were very worried.”
Romeo hooked his fingers around the collar of Jon’s tee. “You didn’t come in for cookies, you and mommy yelling.”

Jon sighed, “So you hid because we scared you?” He ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry we were yelling, we’re not anymore though ok?” Hia own eyes mirroed in Romeo's stared back at him and nodded.

“Ok Daddy. Can we have cookies now?”

“Yes, we can. If you promise never to run off and hide again from me or mommy.”
Romeo nodded vigorously. “I promise.”

He was two feet away from the door when it flung open and Dot tore out. “Oh thank god.”

“He was hiding, because we were yelling.” Jon managed a small smile, this was all his own damn fault as well for not telling her and then sending them all into panic meltdown mode.

“Steph, can you take him into the kitchen please, we’ll be there in a minute.” He handed him off to Steph who was standing behind her mom, god and just about meeting her height and his. They were growing up way too quickly for his own liking.

“What’s going on Dad?”

“Its ok baby, Mom and I will talk and then come and talk to you guys.”

Jon rubbed his hands on his face and sank down onto the step. “I thought, god I
don’t know what I thought.”

Dot sat down next to him. “I should flame you for that, but I can see you’re shaking. This is exactly why you should have told me Jon.”

“I know Dot. I know.” His arms shook as he steadied himself and took a couple of deep breaths.

The buzz of the gates had him looking up, “damn that’ll be MacKenzie.” He got to his feet, “I can tell her to wait?”

“No, bring her in. Maybe she’ll tell me what the hell’s been going on.”
Jon cringed, “I deserved that. I’ll go and get her. You better put on the coffee, and use skim creamer she hates the full fat stuff.

Dot opened her mouth and then shut it again. “Alright.”

Jon walked down the drive to meet her car crawling up it. Right now he couldn’t care less about what the hell was or was not between them. She rolled down her window, “hey you ok?”

He leaned over, nothing but care etched across her face. “He was hiding, he’s ok—but you better come in. I’m in all kinds of trouble for not telling Dorothea about all this.”

“Oh thank god, I’ll call the security to stand down and just wait outside.” Her lips curved in a smile. “She wants to see me doesn’t she?”

He nodded, “yeah—sorry. She’s got every right to be pissed off at me.”

“Not a problem. I’ll park and then come save your ass,” she winked. “Again.”

He bumped the top of the car as she drove up to the house, damn if she wasn’t right.

Chapter Thirty-One

MacKenzie rounded into the driveway in Red Bank after a tense drive through the Jersey neighbourhood. None of them had said anything, Christ what was there to say after that? She rubbed in-between her breasts, god, her nipples still burned with his warm mouth and god, she twisted her ankle as the sensation of his hand down her pants nearly careened them off the driveway.

“Shit, sorry.”

Jon raised a brow beneath shaded eyes, “you trying to kill me in my own home?” He chuckled trying to keep the mood light. There wasn’t anything light about what was going on here, between her and the L word, and then watching her helplessly get beaten up, to what they nearly did in his bed. It was a cluster-fuck of light.

“No, sorry I was distracted for a minute. I’ll just stop up here, I won’t come in this time.” She was thankful she would get some breathing space from him to stop her thoughts from swimming around her head so much. She needed to talk to David, god, she needed to come clean with him about everything. She popped the hand brake and pushed her sunglasses up her nose. “There’s an unmarked car just a few yards down the road. It’s the protection, while I’m not here ok? I’ll give you the number, it’s Gary. He does a little surveillance work for us.”

Jon reached back into his jeans pocket for his iPhone and punched in the number as she read it to him. Jon tucked it back in his pocket. “Thanks,” her eyes never quite met his. He had no idea as to where they stood, her scent was still burning on his fingers for fuck’s sake and he was still half hard from nearly having her back there.

“I can get a cab home, if that’s ok?”

“No, I’ll be a couple of hours, so I’ll swing by on the way home and we can always get dinner on the way home?” Maybe her only option was to try and keep things normal between them, if that was even possible at this stage.

He grinned, “Yan’s takeout?” It was becoming their ritual more often than not. God, they had a ritual didn’t they?

“Sure, sounds good. Say hi to the kids for me—“She jammed her belt back into the buckle and started the car. The pleasantries between them were driving her insane, but she wasn’t saying anything. She’d said enough, she’d told him she loved him for goodness sake, and she might as well have got a slap in the face back. Then she pushed him into admitting that there was something between them, and look at how that played out. She just didn’t learn.

Once she cleared the drive she made her way into the city, she wasn’t risking going into her office in case they were being followed so David and her had arranged to meet in Central Park, so it looked like a casual meeting of friends for anyone that could have been watching.

She parked and grabbed her coat, walking in under the trees. The pretty fall leaves were all just about gone but still made a good crunch under her feet as she made her way to the spot they’d chosen. David was already scrunched under a tree on a rug, with his case and a tray of suspiciously looking like Starbucks cups.

“Hey,” she dumped her bag and sat down bringing her knees up to her chest. She dug out her blackberry and rested it on top of her bag in case Jon called.

“Hey gorgeous,” David leaned over and kissed her cheek, and then thrusted a cup into her hand. “Hazelnut, just the way you like it. “Geez Mac, you look a little worse for wear.”

She laughed and leaned back on one hand, “this is perfect. God it’s so good to see you David. I mean that.” She sighed and took a sip of her latte, some kids were chasing a dog that yipped each time they lurched the stick across the grass.

David shifted so they were side by side staring out at the park, the canopy of leaves stretching high above them and the late afternoon autumn sun filtering down around them. “So you ok?”

She flipped her lid and licked the foam off the edges. “Depends what you class as ok?

“You looked a little banged up.”

“I’ll live, I think my cover is blown though. The way I reacted, defended myself, tipped them off to me being a pig.”

David let a low whistle out, “damn ok—well that doesn’t mean that they know for sure. But it does mean we need to step up some security.”

“Yeah I know, I just don’t get what they want with him. The making a statement thing just keeps going through my head. They want to make an example out of him, because he pissed them off. Jon’s a good guy though, he does a lot of charity work and he’s backing our democratic leaders. He’s more than just a rich rock star.” Much more.

“Right, but that won’t matter. He’s not out there doing stuff for gangs so that’s all irrelevant what he’s doing for the community I think when it comes to gangs.”

“Yeah, true. But how far will they go? They drugged me, they’ve attacked me thinking I’m his girlfriend. So are they not interested in going after him, since they’ve known about me?” This was a mess. Usually she could line this up and figure this out, but nothing made sense here.

“Ok—I’ll go downtown and talk to the boys at the station tomorrow, our leads. See if I can dig something else up that we didn’t before. But right now, we need to worry about you and Jon, are you sure you can handle this?”

She paused and sipped her coffee. “I need to tell you something. And you’re not going to like it.”

David turned to face her, “what is it MacKenzie?” He rested his arm on hers, but she winced pulling it back.

“It’s Jon, and well me.”

She glanced up, David raised his brow and shook his head. “Please don’t tell me what I think you’re about to.”

She rubbed her forehead and sighed. “It’s a mess David and it’s my entire fault.”

“Why is it your fault? And what’s happened?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “This pretending thing worked well with us, actually it worked out really well. So much that we couldn’t tell when we were doing it for show or when it started to mean something, well I thought it did.”

David rubbed the back of his neck, “why didn’t you tell me Mac?”

“I was handling it---we were just flirting and I thought it was just because of the situation. But as time went on, things got more intense...”

“So you’re seeing him---?” he asked carefully.

“No, I haven’t slept with him. It’s come close---more than once but no. I kept telling myself we can explore this after this is all over, and then I went and did something even more retarded.” She picked at the grass by her leg.

“I told him I loved him.”

“You did? And what happened?”

She cringed and forced herself to keep talking. “It was after I was attacked, I told him I loved him and he didn’t say anything. Nothing back, and nothing since. He took me home, patched me up and I pushed him to admit there was something between us, which he did and if it hadn’t been for a phone call, we would have done the deed.”

“Oh man, this is pretty serious. So do you think he feels the same way?”
She shrugged, “everything’s telling me he does. But I’m just not so sure---or now I’m not sure what to even do about it, because of the situation. His life is clearly at risk here.”

“And so is yours Mac.” David picked up her hand. “You should have told me this was happening, that was our deal...that’s always how we roll Mac.”

“Call me stubborn, I wanted to handle it on my own. I didn’t want you to have to intervene because I’m in love with the damn guy.”

“So you really are in love with him?”

MacKenzie looked over at him and nodded, “yea. I’m pretty sure I am. Lucky me.”

“Wow Mac, this is ---like when was the last—ok, that’s not important. What’s important is—can you finish this job, or do I over-rule you and pull you out?”

She rested her chin on her knees. David would if he knew her judgement was being compromised for whatever reason, it was the deal they both had with each other and always had throughout their working relationship. “What do you honestly think I should do here?”

He drummed his fingers against the cup. “I would replace you and have someone else with him. But I think you’re just going to go insane if you can’t be with or around him, to know he’s safe because you’re a control freak.”

She smiled, as irony had it, that’s exactly what she’d feel. If she walked away now, not only would they compromise what they had set up, they’d be sending message to the gang confirming it. She knew she wouldn’t cope being away from him, not being able to finish the job she started. She hated the need to control it, but she knew she’d go crazy passing it over to anyone else. Secondly she wasn’t going to make the same mistake again that she did with Brian and just leave Jon in someone else’s hands. She would never make that mistake again.

“So what do I do?”

“Well, Jamie always tells me that I never talk enough---men don’t in general.”
MacKenzie laughed. “No they don’t---and they don’t need to. Often their actions show enough.”

David raised a brow. “Wow, this coming from a woman as well.”

“Well, I am half woman, half machine remember, “she winked.

“No comment there, but seriously Mac. I will support your decision to stay with him on two conditions.”

She nodded.

“One is that you clear whatever this is with him and tell him it’s off limits until this is over. And two, is that you check in with me twice a day for updates and let me know all of your movements with him. I’m going to probably have someone follow you guys when you’re out and about—ok?”

She knew Jon would hate the idea and secondly hate to talk about whatever the hell that they were.

“Ok, you’ve got a deal.”

“If you can do that, and keep your relationship professional until you don’t have to, then you’ll be free as you guys want to – do whatever you want. You can do that can’t you?”

“Yes, I can...I can do that.” She could right, she had to think about the bigger picture here, Jon and her own lives were at risk. She could do this. She just had to shift the insane feelings she had for the man to one –side and concentrate on the job at hand, then she could address the issues later. It sounded simple right?

“Are you sure Mac? I’m going against our own rules here for you...you know that right.”

“I do, I’ll be fine---I’m so sorry. I should have never let it get this far but honestly, “she rubbed her chest. “I never saw it happening, it just kind of happened.” She wanted to be happy that she found someone she could connect with, but it just didn’t seem right to at this point as much as she wanted it more than anything else right now.

David leaned in and smiled, “I am never going to encourage you—but hell, I couldn’t have ever picked you falling for Jon Bon Jovi.”

She elbowed him and laughed, “Shut up.”

“You know Jamie is going to want to meet him right, hell she’ll probably name the baby after him.”

“Stop it now, how is she anyway?”

“Good, moody, bitchy and then horny, and she cries.”

MacKenzie snorted, “Ahh pregnancy is a wonderful thing. And this is just the beginning, crappy nappies and sleepless nights to look forward to.”
David scooped his arms around her shoulders, “ah but that’s what Auntie MacKenzie is for though.”

“Oh sure, hey kids love me. Remember?” She smiled remembering how much of a hit she was with Jon’s kids. Least they knew her, if the time ever came when she really was in Jon’s life on a more permanent basis. But for now, she had to remember what she was here to do. And that was protect Jon and herself as long as they needed it.